The Husband’s Rights over Wife.

The husband’s rights over his wife are greater

The mother’s rights over her daughter are great; but the husband’s rights over his wife are greater.

I have two situations that which I would like to ask. My mother is very demanding and fights with me all the time about my husband who has been very good to me and my children and her. She wants him to take her traveling and other things that involve spending a lot of time with her and he does not wish to do due to his demanding job as a doctor and because he feels that they will not get along. She visits our home at least 4-5 months every year and makes me take her out on a daily basis not even worrying that it makes me neglect my home and children. She is also very busy trying to make her own businesses so she fought with me about taking my brother or sister to live with me (they are 16 and 18) and tells me it is my right and I don’t need to even have my husband’s permission on the matter. She also refuses to pay a loan that her and my father (who passed away 2 years ago) made me take when I was in college attending a university I didn’t even want to attend when I was 16 years old, this loan has destroyed my name making it impossible for me to buy anything with my name. She has done this to many people she owes money. On top of this, before my father passed away, he had written all properties and money in her name to make it easier to disperse to each of us (we are four girls and one boy) rather than involving an outside party; after he died, she said it is all in her name, and that she paid for a lot of his businesses before they succeeded so she will keep all the money as her own until she dies. I even gave her about $100,000 (all the money I have ever saved and worked for) because she pretended that she was going to use it to pay off my dad’s debts and she used it for a summer house instead and denies I ever gave her a penny since I never told anyone else because I wanted it between me, my mom and Allah swt even though I know she has a lot of money of her own. My husband was tired of this (and many more bad situations) and so he confronted her about the least of these problems – the old school loan, which was taken over 6 years before we were even married and keeps on multiplying in debt and on my name. He then continued to confront her about the many wrong things that have happened and involved his family too. She got very angry and didn’t want to speak to either of us. Naturally, I wanted to fulfill my obligations to my mother so I managed to get on good speaking terms with her so I do not defy silāt al rahim. We speak fine most of the time but after a couple weeks of that she will go back to insulting my husband, telling me to defy him and disobey him in order for him to apologize to her, and insulting me and my husband with very hurtful and shameful words. This relationship is badly affecting my marriage and my time at home and with my children. I cannot think about anything else and my husband doesn’t want to apologize because he is right and feels my mom has not changed her bad ways and will not even pay off the old loan. And at the same time it is extremely difficult to communicate with her on a healthy level. We live in two different countries (me in America and her in Egypt) and she says if I love her and don’t want to upset Allah swt that I will bring my three kids and visit her, my husband does not want me to leave him and she knows this and insists that I am being a bad muslim and that Allah swt will punish me for disobeying my mother. I have tried to advise her to fear Allah swt and she gets mad and says I should obey her and be against my husband. My husband tells me to try to keep good ties with her as much as I can, and is a very good husband and father otherwise, Alhamdulillah, we have a very happy marriage and three healthy children. And so my questions are: 1. what are my obligations to my mother in such an ugly situation, keeping in mind that she continues to insult my husband in our phone calls (we live in two different countries) and asks me to disobey and defy him and cause problems in order for him to apologize to her. This communication has left me emotionally drained, it is what I think about most of my days and it wastes so much of time that I can use with studying or caring for my home. What is the minimum in regards to visiting and speaking to her so that Allah swt will not be angry with me and at the same time I will fulfill my obligation to her and not have to worry about her saying that Allah swt is upset? 2. Who is responsible for this loan? Keeping in mind that I was forced to attend this university, told to take a loan by mother and father, was only 16-18 years old and my husband was not told about this loan before marriage. Also, my mother has more than enough money to pay it off. Your help is deeply appreciated and greatly needed as soon as possible.

In the name of Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful;

All the praise and Thanks are due to Allāh, the Lord of the al-ā’lamīn. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allāh, and that Muhammad, sallallāhu alayhi wa sallam, is His Messenger.

1. The mother’s status cannot be denied.


The mother’s status in shari’ah cannot be denied. Allāh has enjoined that her children should honour her, and He has forbidden them to disobey her; He has ruled that the mother is the most entitled of people to one’s good company, as it says in the well-known hadith, when a man said: O Messenger of Allāh (Sallallāhu ‘alaihi wa sallam), which of the people is most deserving of my good companionship? He said: “Your mother, then your mother, then your mother, then your father, then the next closest and the next closest.” [Narrated by Muslim (2548)]


This is the mother’s right, and that is her status. It is not permissible for her to consume her children’s wealth unlawfully; rather she must give each one his or her rights, and divide the estate in accordance with the laws of Allāh. It is also not permissible for the mother to incite her daughter against her husband and spoil the good relationship between them. These actions of this mother are evil deeds which are not acceptable in Islam, and they bring the threat of sin and punishment.


Perhaps the greatest way in which you can honour your mother is by deterring her from consuming haram wealth and doing haram things, and stopping her from wronging people unlawfully, and remind her of the sin involved in spoiling the relationship between husband and wife, and the sin of gheebah (backbiting), reviling and insulting others, and other haram things that she is doing, such as tabarruj (wanton display) and travelling without a mahram, if these are true in her case.

With regard to your siblings who want your mother to live with you and your husband, you are not obliged to do that according to shari’ah, rather it is the duty of your mother, and in this case the right belongs to your husband: if he agrees to that, all well and good, otherwise you are not obliged to do this, rather we do not advise your husband to accept this situation, because they are not neglected or in need of such a thing, they are not poor and in need of someone to spend on them, and your mother is not unable to take care of their affairs. Taking this responsibility from her is helping her to do the things that she is doing that go against Islam, and to neglect her duties, and pass on this burden to your husband, and put pressure on you and your household with something that is not required of you in the first place, let alone the unacceptable things that may result from your sister living in the same house as a man who is not her mahram (your husband). We do not advise you to accept this situation under any circumstances.

2. But the mother’s right does not supersede the rights of the husband.

The status and rights of the mother do not supersede the rights of the husband; rather the husband’s rights are greater and take precedence over your mother’s rights. Your obedience to him takes precedence over your obedience to her, and the wise wife strives to please her husband by doing what he wants so long as it is not contrary to shari’ah, and she strives to honour her mother in ways that do not go against her husband’s commands. If there is a conflict of interest, then she should put her husband’s commands and wishes first.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah (may Allāh have mercy on him) was asked about a woman who got married, and was no longer under her parents’ care; which one is better – honouring her parents or obeying her husband?

Ibn Taymiyyah replied: When a woman gets married, her husband has more authority over her than her parents, and obeying her husband is more obligatory for her.

Allāh (Subhānahu wata’ala) says: “Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allāh and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allāh orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity and their husband’s property)” [An-Nisa’ 4:34].

The Prophet (Sallallāhu ‘alaihi wa sallam) said: “This world is temporary conveniences and the best of its comforts is a believing wife, who when you look at her she pleases you and if you tell her to do something she obeys you, and if you are away from her she protects you with regard to herself and your wealth.”

Abu Hurayrah (radiallāhu`anhu) said: The Messenger of Allāh (Sallallāhu ‘alaihi wa sallam) said: “If a woman offers her five (daily prayers) and fasts her month and guards her chastity and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from whichever of its gates she wants.” [Abu Hatim].

Umm Salamah (radiallāhu`anha) said: The Messenger of Allāh (Sallallāhu ‘alaihi wa sallam) said: “Any woman, who dies when her husband is pleased with her, will enter Paradise.” [Al-Tirmidzi: classified it is a hasan]

Abu Hurayrah (radiallāhu`anhu)  narrated that the Prophet (Sallallāhu ‘alaihi wa sallam) said: “If I were to order anyone to prostrate to anyone, I would have ordered women to prostrate to their husbands.” [Al-Tirmidzi: classified it is a hasan]. It was also narrated with the wording: “I would have ordered women to prostrate to their husbands because of the rights that Allāh has given them over them.” [Abu Dawud].

In al-Musnad it is narrated from Anas (radiallāhu`anhu) that the Prophet (Sallallāhu ‘alaihi wa sallam) said: “It is not acceptable for any human to prostrate to another, but if it were acceptable for any human to prostrate to another, I would have ordered women to prostrate to their husbands, because of the greatness of the rights they have over them. By the One in Whose hand is my soul, if there were sores from his feet to the top of his head flowing with pus, then she licked them, she would not have given him all his rights.”

The Virtue of Obeying the Husband.

There are many ahadith on this topic from the Prophet (Sallallāhu ‘alaihi wa sallam).

Zaid ibn Thabit (radiallāhu`anhu) said: “The husband is a sayyid (master) in the Book of Allāh”. Then he quoted the verse: “They both found her lord (i.e. her husband) at the door” [Yusuf 12:25].

‘Umar Ibn Al-Khattab (radiallāhu`anhu) said: “Marriage is like slavery, so let one of you look to whom he is giving his beloved daughter to be a slave to”. In al-Tirmidzi and elsewhere it is narrated that the Prophet (Sallallāhu ‘alaihi wa sallam) said: “I urge you to treat women well, for they are like prisoners with you.”

So the woman is like a slave of her husband, or like a prisoner; she should not go out of his house without his permission, whether she is told to do so by her father, her mother or anyone else, according to scholarly consensus.

If a man wants to take her to another place, so long as he is doing what is required of him, and observing the sacred limits of Allāh with regard to her, and her father tells her not to obey him in that, then she must obey her husband and not her father, because in that case the parents are wrongdoers, and they have no right to tell her not to obey someone like this husband, and she does not have the right to obey her mother if she tells her to leave him or to cause trouble to him so that he will divorce her, such as demanding more maintenance and more clothing, and demanding (the deferred portion of) her mahr so that he may divorce her. It is not permissible for her to obey either of her parents by divorcing him if he fears Allāh with regard to her.

In the four Sunans and Sahih Ibn Abi Hatim it is narrated that Thawban (radiallāhu`anhu) said: The Messenger of Allāh (Sallallāhu ‘alaihi wa sallam) said: “Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce when there is nothing wrong, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her.” According to another hadith: “The women who ask for khula’ and the women who make a wanton display of themselves are indeed hypocrites.”

But if both or one of her parents tells her to do something that involves obedience to Allāh, such as praying regularly, speaking the truth and fulfilling trusts, and tells her not to squander or waste her money, and other things that have been enjoined or forbidden by Allāh and His Messenger, then she must obey them in that, even if the command comes from someone other than her parents, more so if it comes from her parents.

If her husband tells her not to do something that is enjoined by Allāh, and he tells her to do something that Allāh has forbidden, and then she should not obey him. The Prophet (Sallallāhu ‘alaihi wa sallam) said: “There is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator.” If a master orders his slave to do something that involves disobedience towards Allāh, it is not permissible for him to obey him by disobeying Him, so how can a woman obey her husband or one of her parents by committing sin? All goodness is in obeying Allāh and His Messenger, and all evil is in disobeying Allāh and His Messenger. [Majmu’ al-Fatāwa (32/261-264).]

This is sufficient to explain that it is not permissible for your mother to spoil the relationship between you and your husband, and it is not permissible for you to obey her in that, and your husband’s right to your obedience is greater than your mother’s.

3. You Are Not Obliged To Take Care Of Any Of Your Siblings.

Just as you are not obliged to take care of any of your siblings because of your commitment of your husband and the requirement that he should first agree to that, the same applies to your visiting your mother with your children. This is not permissible except with the consent of your husband, and you have done well to refuse your mother’s request. We affirm that this refusal is islamically acceptable, especially since you have no mahram to travel with you.

With regard to limiting the number of your mother’s visits to you, this is something that is also up to your husband, and you can work it out with him. The husband has the right to prevent anyone who he thinks is a trouble-maker from entering his house, even if they are your family. As you are in agreement and you have a good relationship, then the matter is simple. All you have to do is agree on a specific number and time for her visits, and stipulate that to her. Your husband has every right to do this; indeed we think that if he stops her altogether he will be doing the right thing, but there is the hope that if her visits are restricted to only a few, and do not affect your family’s happiness, then there is no reason why they should be prevented, and there is nothing wrong with tolerating them. Determining the limit is up to you and you should consult one another and come to some agreement.

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Salih al-‘Uthaymeen (rahimullāh) said: “And not allow into your houses anyone whom you dislike” means, they (wives) should not allow anyone to enter the house if your (the husband) do not want him or her to enter, even if it is her mother or her father. It is not permissible for her to let her mother, father, sister, brother, paternal uncle, maternal uncle, paternal aunt or maternal aunt into her husband’s house, if he objects to that. Attention is drawn to this because some women – Allāh forbid – are bad even to their daughters. If they see that the daughters are settled and happy with their husbands, they become jealous – Allāh forbid – even though they are mothers, and they try to spoil things between the daughter and her husband. So the husband has the right to stop such a mother from entering his house, and he has the right to say to his wife: She should not enter my house. He has the right to prevent her according to shari’ah, and he has the right to prevent his wife from going to see her, because she is namāmah (one who spreads malicious gossip) and a troublemaker. The Prophet (Sallallāhu ‘alaihi wa sallam) said: “No spreader of malicious gossip will enter Paradise.” [Sharh Riyadh al-Saaliheen (2/91, hadith no. 276)]

4. Avoid Riba.

It seems that the sin of the riba-based loan that is mentioned in your question is borne by you, because you were an adult and responsible for your dealings. So try to get back what is rightfully yours from your mother, and stop the mounting interest payments that result from your delay in repaying it. Try not to pay back anything but the original amount without the interest (riba). If you are not able to do that, then there is no blame on you, but it is essential to repent sincerely, because riba is a major sin.

And Allāh knows best.

[Excerpted from Fatwa no Fatwa No: 110845 Islam Q&A]

The Mutual Rights of Husband and Wife.

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

In Islam the marriage of a man and a woman is not just a financial and physical arrangement of living together but a sacred contract, a gift of Allah, to lead a happy, enjoyable life and continue the lineage. The main goal of marriage in Islam is the realization of tranquility and compassions between the spouses. For the attainment of this supreme goal, Islam defined certain duties and rights for the husband and wife.

Piety is the basis of choosing the life partner. Many are the statements of the Qur'an and the Sunnah that prescribe kindness and equity, compassion and love, sympathy and consideration, patience and good will. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, says, "The best Muslim is the one who is best to his family." Also, he says, "… and the most blessed joy in life is a good, righteous wife." [Reported by At-Tirmidzi]

The role of the husband revolves around the moral principle that it is his solemn duty to Allah to treat his wife with kindness, honor, and patience; to keep her honorably or free her from the marital bond honorably; and to cause her no harm or grief. Allah Almighty says: "…consort with them in kindness, for if ye hate them it may happen that ye hate a thing wherein Allah hath placed much good." [An-Nisa', 4: 19]

The role of the wife is summarized in the verse that women have rights even as they have duties, according to what is equitable; but men have a degree over them. Allah Almighty says, "And they (women) have rights similar to those (of men) over them in kindness, and men are a degree above them. Allah is Mighty, Wise." [Al-Baqarah, 2: 228]

This degree is usually interpreted by Muslim scholars in conjunction with another passage which states, among other things, that men are trustees, guardians, and protectors of women because Allah has made some of them excel others and because men expend of their means. Allah Almighty says: "Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath men the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High Exalted, Great." [An-Nisa', 4: 34]

A-The Wife's Rights; The Husband's Obligations:

The Qur'an and the Sunnah of the Prophet s.a.w, have commanded kindness to women, it is the husband's duty to:

1- Consort with his wife in an equitable and kind manner. Allah Almighty says, "… and consort with them in kindness." [An-Nisa', 4: 19]

2- Have responsibility for the full maintenance of the wife, a duty which he must discharge cheerfully, without reproach, injury, or condescendence. Allah Almighty says: "Let him who hath abundance spend of his abundance, and he whose provision is measured, let him spend of that which Allah hath given him. Allah asketh naught of any soul save that which He hath given it. Allah will vouchsafe, after hardship, ease.‏" [At-Talaq, 65: 7]

Components of Maintenance:

Maintenance entails the wife's incontestable right to lodging, clothing, nourishing, and general care and well-being.

1-The wife's residence must be adequate so as to provide her with the reasonable level of privacy, comfort, and independence. The welfare of the wife and the stability of the marriage should be the ultimate goal.

2-What is true of the residence is true of clothing, food, and general care. The wife has the right to be clothed, fed, and cared for by the husband, in accordance with his means and her style of life. These rights are to be exercised without extravagance or miserliness.

Non-Material Rights:

A husband is commanded by the law of Allah to:

1- Treat his wife with equity.

2- Respect her feelings, and to show her kindness and consideration.

3- Not to show his wife any aversion or to subject her to suspense or uncertainty.

4- Not to keep his wife with the intention of inflicting harm on her or hindering her freedom.

5- Let her demand freedom from the marital bond, if he has no love or sympathy for her.

B. The Wife's Obligations; The Husband's Rights:

The main obligation of the wife as a partner in a marital relationship is to contribute to the success and blissfulness of the marriage as much as possible. She must be attentive to the comfort and well-being of her mate. She may neither offend him nor hurt his feelings. Perhaps nothing can illustrate the point better than the Qur'anic statement which describes the righteous people as those who pray saying: "Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the joy and the comfort of our eyes, and guide us to be models of righteousness.” [Al-Furqan, 25: 74]

This is the basis on which all the wife's obligations rest and from which they flow. To fulfill this basic obligation:

1- The wife must be faithful, trustworthy, and honest.

2- She must not deceive her mate by deliberately avoiding conception lest it deprive him of legitimate progeny.

3- She must not allow any other person to have access to that which is exclusively the husband's right, i.e. sexual intimacy.

4-She must not receive anyone in his home whom the husband does not like.

5-She may not accept their gifts without his approval. This is probably meant to avoid jealousy, suspicion, gossip, etc., and also to maintain the integrity of all parties concerned.

6- The husband's possessions are her trust. If she has access to any portion thereof, or if she is entrusted with any fund, she must discharge her duty wisely and thriftily. She may not lend or dispose of any of his belongings without his permission.

7- With respect to intimacy, the wife is to make herself desirable; to be attractive, responsive, and cooperative.

8- A wife may not deny herself to her husband, for the Qur'an speaks of them as a comfort to each other. Due consideration is, of course, given to health and decency.

9- Moreover, the wife is not permitted to do anything that may render her companionship less desirable or less gratifying. If she neglects herself, the husband has the right to interfere with her freedom to rectify the situation and insure maximum self-fulfillment for both partners. She is not permitted to do anything on his part that may impede her gratification.


Allah Almighty knows best.
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Source: Excerpted with some modifications from Islam in Focus by Hammudah `Abd al-`Ati’s republished in Islam online