Inter-personal skills are extremely useful in dealing with one another. Dale Carnegie in his book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, have laid down several guidelines in building effectively relationships. It is worthwhile to revisit.
1. Never criticize, condemn or complain.
[i.] People very rarely criticize themselves, no matter how wrong they may be. Your criticism will not be welcome.
“I will speak ill of no man, and speak all the good I know of everybody.” – Ben Franklin
[ii.] Criticism puts others on the defensive, hurts feelings of self-worth and stirs feelings of resentment. Criticism is futile.
[iii] Positive Reinforcement works better. Example: Reprimanding workers for not wearing their hardhats is less effective than asking if the hats are uncomfortable and reminding workers that the hats were designed for their protection.
2. Become genuinely interested in other people.
[i.] People are most interested in themselves. If you share that interest, they will respond.
[ii.] If you talk to people about themselves, they will listen for hours.
[iii.] Remember people’s birthdays and other important details.
3. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
[i.] Find the things that interest others and talk about those things.
[ii.] Begin conversation discussing the other person’s interests and you will find them much more agreeable.
[iii.] If you know nothing of their interests, try to ask intelligent questions about their interests. Perhaps ask for the story of how they developed those interests.
4. Be a Good listener.
[i.] Nothing is as flattering as giving your exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you.
[a] Encourage others to talk about themselves.
[b] Ask pointed questions.
[c] By simply listening and asking questions, others will conclude you are a good conversationalist.
[ii.] Listen and appreciate others’ concerns/complaints, you will diffuse tension and build relationships.
[a] Be eager to hear from those who have concerns about you and your company, however wrong they may be.
[b] Impress upon them how eager you are to hear them.
[c] Thank them for bringing up their concerns.
4. Make the other person feel important.
[i.] One of the deepest human desires is feeling important and appreciated.
“I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.” – Charles Schwab.
[ii.] Continually recognizing someone’s expertise and capabilities will make them feel important. They will want to put that expertise in your service.
[iii.] Give others clear authority over a part of a larger project and help them understands their tangible contributions. They will become more committed to the success of the project.
[iv.] Be sincere – avoid flattery. Obvious, over the top flattery can often win smiles and carry the same favor as if it were sincere.
5. Use Names whenever possible.
[i.] A person's name is his or her favorite word.
[ii.] Remember someone’s name and a few personal details.
[i.] Greet others with enthusiasm and animation.
[ii.] A smile says. “I like you. I am glad to see you.”
[iii.] Smile even when speaking on the phone; the smile will come through in your voice.