The Rights of the Kin in Islam
In the name of Allāh, the Most Gracious, the
Most Merciful;
All the praise and Thanks is due to Allāh, the
Lord of al-`ālameen. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except
Allāh, and that Muhammad, Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam, is His Messenger
It is an obligation upon every Muslim to uphold and keeping the bond of kinship which it is not as easy as it sounds. Families and friends give warmth and meaning to our lives. It keep us strong and fulfilled, make us feel loved and wanted, help us grow. At times we struggle to stay the course of an unpredictable and of unkind life. In Islam, Allah requires us to always maintain ar-rahim or good relationships with them. Allah the Almighty imposes on us to save not only ourselves and our family from the Punishment in which means that a good family can help us evade the Hell Fire of a miserable eternity.
Allah Says: “O Ye who Believe! Save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is Men and Stones?” [Surah At-Tahrim, 66:6]
But the intimacy, closeness, frequent interaction and mutual dependence of family and friends can lead to the opposite of the beautiful things. Warmth of love in a family can turn into situation of envious or even spilling of blood. The search for fulfilment can become thirst for humiliating others, and support in tough times can turn into hatred and rivalry even in good times. It happens when some members of a family do not possess the right values and attitude. Satan, that enemy of mankind, loves none of his snares more than sowing hatred within believing families and friends.
The excessive individualism of modern times as
well as timeless ignorance and selfishness can replace the love of families and
bonds of friendship with hatred and bad blood.
Unfortunately, some people quickly denounce and
desert family members only because they forgot to invite them to the last get
together. We can find family members who actually live door-to-door and refuse
to even share the greeting amongst them when they met face to face. Each one
claims that the other should initiate the first visit and "why should I be the one to go knock on
their door? Plus, I got ill the other day and they did not even bother to stop
by and see how I was doing!" Oh, does it hurt to hear these arguments.' It makes us understand
the words of the Messenger of Allah (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) that Satan
runs through the blood stream of the son of Adam. The saddest thing is that
their children were told to never speak to their relatives or even approach
their door. It rips the hearts inside to even think about it.
1.The value of Ar-Rahim.
Severing relation has become a threatening
epidemic that has found its way into many Muslim families. We have forgotten
the tremendous value of Ar-Rahim. We become completely unmindful and oblivious
of its significance, our selfishness and self-centeredness has gotten the best
of us.
Before we go further, let us define the word rahim. The word in Arabic is extracted from rahim which literally refers to go the womb; the latter has been the abode of every human being before they came out to this world except for Adam ('alayhissalam) and Hawa (Eve).
Islamic scholar Ar-Raghib Al-Asfahani (rahimahullah) said, "Ar-Rahim
is the womb of the mother, and it stands for family ties knowing that it was
the first source from which they were produced" In Islamic terminology, Ar-Rahim means family bonds and relations that we refer
to in English as kinship relationships.
The Messenger (Sallallāhu `alayhi
wasallam) enlightens us on the noble position of rahim through a powerful
allegory in a hadith narrated by Abu Hurairah (radiyallāhu`anhu):
“Allah created all the creation, and when He
finished, ar-rahim (the womb) got up and pleaded to Allah, where-upon Allah
said to it, "What is the matter?" It said: "At this place, I
seek your refuge from those who sever me (cut off ties of kinship)." Allah
said, "Yes, will you not be satisfied if I bestow My favours on him who
keeps your ties, and withhold My favours from him who severs your ties;"
Upon this, it said, "Yes, O my Lord!" Allah said, "Then that is
for you". [Al-Bukhari]
This hadith lays out the very foundation of
kinship, emphasizing its importance as well as the ramifications of' severing
kinship ties.
Ar-Rahim is a noun that encompasses all the relatives from the father's and
the mother's sides.
Islamic scholar Al-Qurtubi (rahimahullah)
said: Generally speaking, ar-rahim has a broad and a particular meaning. The
broad one includes all the believers and that is ar-rahim of religion, then there is the one pertaining to all
relatives of any person from the father's and the mother's sides which is the
one concerning us in this issue. Know that each one of them has a number of due
rights over you. Allah revealed this verse regarding ar-rahim, which many Muslims throughout the world recognize, since
they hear it every Friday from their Imams as part of the introduction of the
khutbah: "And fear Allah through Whom you ask one another; and the
wombs." [Surah An-Nisa, 4: 1]
Silah, which literally means connecting,
is used often in conjunction with rahim, and so silat ar-rahim means to join the ties of kinship by treating
one's relatives fairly and compassionately.
On top of the list of these relations come our
parents, who have sacrificed much of their lives to make us strong and worthy
human beings. Then come our brothers and sisters with whom we shared the same
womb, and then our grandparents along with all the other family members
including our uncles, aunts and cousins from both the paternal and
maternal sides.
2.Our Kin's Rights over Us
Every member of our family has rights over us.
These rights differ from one person to another. For instance, the mother stands
higher than the aunt and the grandfather is most definitely above the brother
in law.
Some of the rights our next of kin has on us
are: To maintain a good relationship with them by showing respect, love and
sympathy. Be there for them when they need you. Go visit them at times of sickness
and be a good support at times of tribulations. Share with them glorious
moments. Let them in on all your good news. Buy them gifts and congratulate
them on ‘Eid days. Help them financially during harsh times.
When Allah revealed the verse: “You will not attain piety until you spend from
that which is beloved to you” [Surah
Ali-‘Imran, 3: 93], Abu Talhah (radiyallāhu`anhu) said: "The most beloved to me of my wealth is
Bayrahā’ (a garden), and I am giving it as a charity for Allah, I yearn for its
reward from Allah. O Messenger of Allah spends it as you see fit according to
what Allah has shown you." The
Messenger (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) said: "Bakhin! (An expression of amazement)
That indeed is a profitable trade. I have heard what you said, and I recommend
that you spend it on your kin." Abu Talhah (radiyallāhu`anhu) responded,
"O Messenger of Allah, I will do so." And Abu
Talhah (radiyallāhu`anhu) indeed gave it away to his relatives.
Spending on kinship has become a neglected
responsibility, to the point that you can easily find people who will invite a
friend to a classy restaurant and never spend a dime on their cousin. They
offer valuable gifts and even money to their peers and co-workers while their
parents are in dire situations. This brings to mind the event of Musteh who was
Abu Bakar's cousin and also among those who fell into the error of slandering
his (Abu Bakar’s) daughter, the mother of the believers,
'Aishah (radiyallāhu`anha) in the famous incident of ‘ifk (lie). This made Abu
Bakar (radiyallāhu`anhu) so furious that he took an oath he would
never again give charity to Musteh.
Following this incident Allah the Almighty sent
down a number of verses attesting to the innocence of the mother of the
believers, but among them was also this magnificent verse:
"And let not those among you who are
blessed with graces and wealth swear not to give (any sort of help) to their
kinsmen, and the poor, and those who left their homes for Allah’s cause. Let
them pardon and forgive. Do you not love that Allah should forgive you? And
Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful." [Surah An-Nur, 24:22]
Upon hearing this beautiful verse, the noble
companion Abu Bakar (radiyallāhu`anhu) said, "Yes we
love!"(Meaning yes O Allah, we love that you forgive us) Then he resumed
his spending on Musteh.
Let us all pause and look deep into this verse and reflect upon
its limitless wisdom, and see how Allah the Lord of the worlds guided to Abu
Bakar (radiyallāhu`anhu) charity to his kin, even when this person
had falsely slandered his daughter!
3.When Your Kinfolk Are Non-Muslim
We should know that kindness to parents is a
personal duty imposed by Allah on every son and daughter. To be a dutiful child
is to ensure that one is closer to Allah the Almighty. It makes it easier to
win Allah’s pleasure and be eventually admitted into Paradise. Parents must be
obeyed unless they order us to commit a sin. This is based on the
Prophet’s (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) statement that: “No
creature may be obeyed in what constitutes disobedience to the Creator.” All this assumes that the parents are Muslims.
It may happen, however, that a Muslim child has non-Muslim parents. What should
his attitude be toward them?
First and foremost, even if one's kinsfolk are hostile to Islam,
one should under no circumstance give up on them; continue to invite them to
Islam with kindness, compassion and wisdom. We should pray to Allah constantly
to guide them and open their hearts and lead them to the straight path.
Asma’ binti Abu Bakar
(radiyallahu'anha) was the Prophet’s sister-in-law. She was the daughter of his
closest companion and the sister of his wife ‘Aishah. Her mother, however, did
not become a Muslim for quite a long time. Asma’ said: “My mother came to me during the time of
the Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) hoping to get something from me. I
asked the Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) 'whether I should be kind to
her'". He answered: “Yes,” [Al-Bukhari].
The way this hadith is phrased suggests that her mother had not
yet become a Muslim when she came to her. Another version states clearly that
the mother was hostile to Islam. Had she shown any inclination to become a
Muslim, Asma’ (radiyallahu'anha) would not have needed to ask the
Prophet’s (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) permission to be kind to her.
Many a Muslim at that time was extra kind to their parents and relatives who
were not Muslims, hoping to win them over to Islam. The significance of this
particular hadith is that even when a parent is determined not to become a
Muslim, we still should treat him or her kindly.
Try all beautiful and wise ways to bring them
into the fold of Islam. Bear in mind that this indeed is one of the most
difficult tasks and one of the most honourable ones as well. Show them concern
and be patient when dealing with them. Overlook the harsh words and pardon the
ridicule.
Remember that never did the
Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) quit calling his uncle Abu
Talib bin Abdul Mutallib to embrace Islam, even when his uncle was in his death
bed. One of the most touching scenes in Quran is the dialogue that took place
between Prophet Nuh (`alayhissalam) and his disbelieving son. Here is a Prophet
of Allah trying eagerly to call his son to the path of light and safety.
Despite the fact that his son was an adamant disbeliever, Nuh AS chose the
kindest of words and used the most compassionate expressions to persuade his
son.
Allah the Almighty says: "Allah does not forbid you to deal justly
and kindly with those who fought not against you on account of religion nor
drove you out of your homes. Verily, Allah loves those who deal with
equity." [Surah al-Mumtahana, 60:8]
So long as they do not stand as a barrier
between us and our religion, we are obligated to fulfil all the rights they
have on us. We must not become someone's excuse for not wanting to become
Muslim.
4.Between Islam and the family: Which should I
Choose?
This is a question everyone with non-Muslim relatives wishes to never encounter. It represents one of those times we call the moment of truth and the most difficult of tests.
Kindness to non-Muslim parents does not depend
on what religion they follow. We are supposed to be kind to them. It is true
that such kindness may help win them over to Islam. This is, however, not the
only reason. The parent-child relationship transcends matters of personal
inclinations, desires, habits, creeds and faith. It is well known that a parent
tries hard to overcome his prejudice against something if he feels that his son
or daughter likes it. Islam does not like to stir trouble in every family where
the parents are not Muslims. It recognizes that the parent-child tie need not
be broken on account of faith. It, therefore, instructs its followers to be
kind to their non-Muslim parents.
Only when such parents try to persuade their
Muslim child to turn away from Islam does Allah command us not to listen to
them or obey them. Allah SAYS:
“We have enjoined upon man
goodness toward his parents: his mother bore him by bearing strain upon strain,
and his weaning is within two years. Be grateful toward Me and toward your
parents, with Me all journeys end. Yet should they (your parents) endeavour to
make you ascribe divinity, side by side with Me to something of which you have
no knowledge, then do not obey them. But even then bear them company with
kindness in the life of this world and follow the path of those who turn toward
me.”
[Surah
Luqman, 31:14-15]
It is reported that these verses were revealed when the mother of
Sa’ad Ibn Abu Waqqas (radiyallahu’anhu) who was a companion of the
Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) was so upset when she learned
that he had embraced Islam. She tried to persuade him to recant. Realizing that
he was determined to follow the Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) she
tried to increase the pressure on him. She knew that he was a most dutiful
child and he loved her dearly. She thought that if she brought hardship on
herself, he would feel sorry for her and might listen to her. She swore that
she would not taste any food or drink until he had left the
Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam).
The judgment in his case was given by Allah in
the above quoted verses. Sa’ad (radiyallāhu`anhu) did not listen to
his mother and continued to be one of the best companions of the Prophet (Sallallāhu
`alayhi wasallam) He was later given the happy news by the
Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam)that he was certain to be admitted
into Paradise.
It is clear from his story and the verses
revealed by Allah concerning it that when it comes to matters of faith, a
non-Muslim parent may not be obeyed. That, however, does not mean to be unkind
to such a parent as we mentioned before. We are still required to be kind to
him or her, hoping always that they may recognize the truth of Islam.
There is absolutely no graver sin than shirik,
(i.e. to associate partners with Allah) yet Allah the Almighty advised us to keep them company in this
life and show them benevolence. This is the only time when we can say no to
parents—but not walk out on them. Instead, we should be with them, support them
in all kinds of ways when they need us, so long as they do not ask you to go
against the teaching of Allah and his Messenger (Sallallāhu `alayhi
wasallam) This also goes for the rest of our non-Muslim kinfolk.
Remember what Yusuf ('alayhissalam) said as
Allah informs us in the verse: "Verily, he who fears Allah with obedience to him, and is
patient, then surely, Allah makes not the reward of the Muhsinun (righteous) to
be lost." [Surah Yusuf, 12:90]
We do good if we pray Allah to enlighten our
non-Muslim parents and guide them to accept Islam. We cannot, however, pray
Allah to forgive them. Allah forgives all sins with the exception of
associating partners with him. All non-believers associate partners with Allah
in one form or another. It is, therefore, futile to pray Him to forgive what he
has told us He would not forgive. Moreover, it is an affront to Allah.
It may be hard for a Muslim person to be unable to pray for the forgiveness of his non-Muslim parents. Let us remember that the Prophet’s (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) own parents were non-Muslims. He asked Allah’s permission to pray Him to forgive his mother. His request was declined. We know that Allah granted every prayer the Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) made either for himself or his companions or, indeed, Muslims generally. The fact that Allah did not permit the Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) to pray for the forgiveness of his own mother suggests that this is not a trifling matter at all. It is indeed much more beneficial to one’s non-Muslim parents who are alive that he prays Allah to guide them to Islam.
5.The Merits and Benefits of Keeping Good Family
Relations.
5.1. The Way to Paradise
The Messenger(Sallallāhu `alayhi
wasallam) said: "Whoever
believes in Allah and the Last Day, then let him be generous to his guest, and
whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him maintain the bond of
kinship, and whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him say that which
is good or observe silence." [Al-Bukhari]
Abu Ayub
Al-Ansari (radiyallāhu`anhu) narrated: "A man said: 'O Messenger of Allah, inform me of a
certain deed that if I do it, I shall enter Paradise.' He (Sallallāhu
`alayhi wasallam) said: ‘ Worship Allah and do not associate
anything with him, establish Solah, Zakah and maintain bonds of kinship'".
5.2. Abundance and Longevity
It is narrated by Abu Sa’id Al-Khudri (radiyallāhu`anhu) that
the Messenger of Allah (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) said: "Whoever desires for Allah to multiply
his provision and increase his age, he should maintain good relations with his
kin".
5.3. Beautiful Pleasures of life
Take advantage of every opportunity which
presents itself to help them, visit them and be there for them, for the sake of
Allah.
Think about that great moment when your little
nephew or niece opened the door and shouted out, "It is my auntie....! It
is my uncle ..," then threw themselves, innocently, in your arms. What a
great blessing!
6.The Curse of Allah upon Those Who Sever Blood
Relations
Allah has severely warned those who cut off
their blood relations and family ties. The Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi
wasallam) also condemned such people.
Allah the Almighty Says:"Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land and sever your ties of kinship? Such are they whom Allah has cursed, so that He has made them deaf and blinded their sight." [Surah Muhammad, 47:22-23]
Allah the Almighty Says:"Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land and sever your ties of kinship? Such are they whom Allah has cursed, so that He has made them deaf and blinded their sight." [Surah Muhammad, 47:22-23]
All
Muslims should read these two verses over and over again, and let them sink in,
because the verse right after that says: "Do they not then think
deeply in the Quran? Or are their hearts locked up?"[Surah
Muhammad, 47:24]
We seek refuge in Allah, the Lord of the worlds,
from the sealing of our hearts and the subjugation of our weak selves.
Even the company of those who mistreat their
families and are cut off from them is accursed. 'Abdullah Ibn Abu
'Awf (radiyallāhu`anhu) narrated that, "One time we were sitting
with the Messenger (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) who said: `No one who cuts off his ties should
sit with us.' So a young man stood up from the crowd and went
to visit his aunt, with whom he had some frictions, she then asked forgiveness
for him, and he did the same for her, soon afterwards, he came back to our
gathering circle, upon which the Messenger (Sallallāhu `alayhi
wasallam) said:"The Mercy will not descend on people
among whom there is a person who severs kin ties."
Severing one's blood ties is far from a trivial
choice: it is an evil that may hinder you from entering Paradise. The Messenger
of Allah (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) said:"No one who severs his family ties will
enter Paradise." [At-Tirmidzi]
Part of the danger resulting from cutting off one's relations can
be sensed from the following hadith.
Abu Hurairah (radiyallāhu`anhu) related that a man came to the Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) and said: "O Messenger of Allah, my relatives are such that I cooperate with them, but they cut me off; I am kind to them but they ill-treat me; I forbear but they are rude to me."The Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) replied: "If you are as you say, you are then feeding them with hot ashes; and so long as you remain the way you are, Allah will always help you and he will protect you against their mischief." [Muslim]
Abu Hurairah (radiyallāhu`anhu) related that a man came to the Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) and said: "O Messenger of Allah, my relatives are such that I cooperate with them, but they cut me off; I am kind to them but they ill-treat me; I forbear but they are rude to me."The Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) replied: "If you are as you say, you are then feeding them with hot ashes; and so long as you remain the way you are, Allah will always help you and he will protect you against their mischief." [Muslim]
Imam An-Nawawi (rahimahullah) said: "The hot ashes are a metaphor for the
amount of pain and agony experienced by the one who eats them." The hadith pertains also to the people who
behave differently. They will maintain good times as long as their kindred do
the same, but otherwise they sever them. Real cherishing of the blood relation
is not observed in anticipation of reciprocation on the part of one's kin; but
the ties should be maintained for Allah’s sake only, even if this is done from
one side only neglecting the behaviour of the other side in return.
‘Abdullah
Ibn 'Amr (radiyallāhu`anhu) narrated that the Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi
wasallam) said: "A person who
reciprocates in doing good is not the one who joins his blood relations
generously; but he is one who joins with his blood relations when they sever
the kinship ties." [Al-Bukhari]
This wonderful hadith puts all things in perspective
for those who are so skilled at pointing fingers, trying to justify the
haughtiness of their own selves by always blaming other people, thus justifying
their cutting of ties. The Messenger (Sallallāhu `alayhi
wasallam) penly states that regardless of their behaviour you should visit
them; regardless of their detachment, you should maintain your ties; regardless
of their offensiveness, reward them with forbearance, and most importantly,
never cease to include in your supplications that Allah grant them a change of
heart; for all the hearts are between His fingers, He flips them as He wills.
The Messenger of Allah (Sallallāhu `alayhi
wasallam) set for all humanity the greatest example of forgiveness and
mercy after he conquered Makkah. The Makkans had tortured, killed, and
humiliated Muslims for so long, and killed some of the dearest relatives of the
blessed Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) himself. But the
Messenger (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) answered them by saying "I would say to you what Yusuf said
to his brothers: No reproach on you this day; May Allah forgives you; He is the
most Merciful of those who show mercy. Go free; you are all pardoned!" This incident never fails to bring tears to a
Muslim's eye. In fact, any human being would be moved by such nobility and
mercy to tears. No wonder ‘Aishah (radiyallāhu`anha) when asked about
the character of the Messenger (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) said
that his character was the Quran. Better yet Allah bears witness that his
Messenger stands on the highest plane of character.
Allah Says: "And verily, you have an exalted standard
of character." [Surah
Al-Qalam, 68:4]
7.Ways to Enhance Your Relations
Here are ways for us to fortify our ties and
strengthen our bonds with our kinsmen:
7.1. Arrange frequent visits with those who live
close by, on a weekly basis if they are in the same town or on a yearly basis
at least if they reside overseas, depending on a person's abilities. But always
remember, the least you can do nowadays is to pick up a paper and a pen and
write to them how much your heart yearns for them and that they are not at all
forgotten. If not, pick up the phone and tell them how much you love them and
cannot wait to visit with them. Little things can make a big difference.
7.2. In a family gathering, do not let the
opportunity to clear up all misunderstandings, pass you by and show all of your
relatives your love and concern.
7.3. When conversing with them, take interest in
what they have to say, even if it is not your cup of tea. Listen to their
concerns, and help them if you can, and at least give them hope and your
prayers—for sincere prayers, reassurance and love are worth much more than
any-thing else.
4. Have respect for all elderly people in your
family, be all-ears when they are telling their stories and try to learn from
their past experiences.
7.5. Bring joy to family gatherings by creating an
atmosphere of fun, sharing jokes or even getting a bit playful at times—but
always within the limits of decency and without hurting anyone's feelings.
7.6. Be there for them, and offer to help in every
way you can.
Many good deeds bear fruit that will not be seen until the Hereafter.
But keeping good family relations is something that will benefit you
immediately, by making this life a lot happier, lighter, pleasant and more
rewarding. Most importantly, Allah will reward us generously for every smile,
every hug, and every act of generosity, every phone call or letter, every word
of encouragement, every suppression of anger, and every instance of forgiveness
towards your family members. Who can afford to be deprived of such an immense
reward? Do not allow yourself to be of those who sever what Allah has ordered
to be joined.
He the Almighty Says: "Those who break Allah’s covenant after ratifying it, and
sever what Allah has ordered to be joined, and do mischief on earth, it is they
who are the losers." [Surah Al-Baqarah, 2:27]
And Allāh Almighty Knows best.
[Via Islam Web]
Please See Also:
1.The Meaning of Silatul Rahim; 2.Guidelines on Ties of the Kinship;
1.The Meaning of Silatul Rahim; 2.Guidelines on Ties of the Kinship;
20.The Seven under the Shade of
Allāh
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