The Rights of the Husband and the Wife.
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
What are a wife's rights on her husband according the Quran and Sunnah? Or what are husband’s duties to his wife and vice versa?
Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful;
What are a wife's rights on her husband according the Quran and Sunnah? Or what are husband’s duties to his wife and vice versa?
Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful;
All the praise and Thanks are due to Allāh, the Lord of al-'ālameen. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allāh, and that Muhammad, sallallāhu alayhi wa sallam, is His Messenger.
By the help of Allāh we will mention some of the texts of the Qur’an and Sunnah which have to do with the duties of the spouses towards one another, quoting also from the commentaries and views of the scholars.
Firstly: The rights of the wife which are hers alone:
The wife has financial rights over her husband, which is the mahar (dowry), spending and accommodation. And she has non-financial rights, such as fair division between co-wives, being treated in a decent and reasonable manner, and not being treated in a harmful way by her husband.
1. Financial Rights
(a) The mahar (dowry). This is the money to which the wife is entitled from her husband when the marriage contract is completed or when the marriage is consummated. It is a right which the man is obliged to pay to the woman.
Allāh says:
“And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahar (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart”
[al-Nisa’, 4:4]
The prescription of the mahar demonstrates the seriousness and importance of the marriage-contract, and is a token of respect and honour to the woman.
The mahar is not a condition or essential part of the marriage-contract, according to the majority of fuqaha’; rather it is one of the consequences of the contract. If the marriage-contract is done without any mention of the mahar, it is still valid, according to the consensus of the majority.
Allāh says:
“There is no sin on you, if you divorce women while yet you have not touched (had sexual relation with) them, nor appointed unto them their Mahar (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage)”
[Al-Baqarah, 2:236]
The fact that divorce is permitted before consummation of the marriage or before stipulating the mahar indicates that it is permissible not to stipulate the mahar in the marriage-contract.
“And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahar (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart”
[al-Nisa’, 4:4]
The prescription of the mahar demonstrates the seriousness and importance of the marriage-contract, and is a token of respect and honour to the woman.
The mahar is not a condition or essential part of the marriage-contract, according to the majority of fuqaha’; rather it is one of the consequences of the contract. If the marriage-contract is done without any mention of the mahar, it is still valid, according to the consensus of the majority.
Allāh says:
“There is no sin on you, if you divorce women while yet you have not touched (had sexual relation with) them, nor appointed unto them their Mahar (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage)”
[Al-Baqarah, 2:236]
The fact that divorce is permitted before consummation of the marriage or before stipulating the mahar indicates that it is permissible not to stipulate the mahar in the marriage-contract.
If the mahar is stipulated, it becomes obligatory upon the husband; if it is not stipulated, then he must give the mahar that is given to women of similar status to his wife.
(b) Spending. The scholars of Islam are agreed that it is obligatory for husbands to spend on their wives, on the condition that the wife makes herself available to her husband. If she refuses him or rebels, then she is not entitled to that spending.
The reason why it is obligatory to spend on her is that the woman is available only to her husband, because of the marriage contract, and she is not allowed to leave the marital home except with his permission. So he has to spend on her and provide for her, and this is in return for her making herself available to him for his pleasure.
What is meant by spending is providing what the wife needs of food and accommodation. She has the right to these things even if she is rich, because Allāh says:
“but the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis” [Al-Baqarah, 2:233]
“Let the rich man spend according to his means; and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allāh has given him” [Al-Talaq, 65:7]
From the Sunnah:
The Prophet (Sallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) said to Hind bint ‘Utbah – the wife of Abu Sufyan – who had complained that he did not spend on her: “Take what is sufficient for you and your children, on a reasonable basis.”
It was narrated that ‘Aishah said: “Hind binti ‘Utbah, the wife of Abu Sufyan, entered upon the Messenger of Allāh (Sallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allāh, Abu Sufyan is a stingy man who does not spend enough on me and my children, except for what I take from his wealth without his knowledge. Is there any sin on me for doing that?’ The Messenger of Allāh (Sallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) said, ‘Take from his wealth on a reasonable basis, only what is sufficient for you and your children.’” [Narrated by Al-Bukhari, 5049; Muslim, 1714]
It was narrated from Jabir that the Messenger of Allāh (Sallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) said in his Farewell Sermon:
“Fear Allāh concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allāh, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allāh. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner”
[Narrated by Muslim, 1218]
(c) Accommodation. This is also one of the wife’s rights, which means that her husband should prepare for her accommodation according to his means and ability.
Allāh says:
“Lodge them (the divorced women) where you dwell, according to your mean”
[Al –Talaq, 65:6]
2. Non-financial rights
(i) Fair treatment of co-wives. One of the rights that a wife has over her husband is that she and her co-wives should be treated equally, if the husband has other wives, with regard to nights spent with them, spending and clothing.
(ii) Kind treatment. The husband must have a good attitude towards his wife and be kind to her, and offer her everything that may soften her heart towards him, because Allāh says:
“and live with them honorably” [Al-Nisa,’ 4:19]
“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable” [Al-Baqarah, 2:228]
From the Sunnah:
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allāh be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allāh (Sallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) said: ‘Be kind to women.’”[Narrated by al-Bukhari, 3153; Muslim, 1468].
There follow examples of the kind treatment of the Prophet (Sallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) towards his wives – for he is the best example:
1. It was narrated from Zainab binti Abi Salamah that Umm Salamah said: “I got my menses when I was lying with the Prophet (Sallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) under a single woollen sheet. I slipped away and put on the clothes I usually wore for menstruation. The Messenger of Allāh (Sallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) said to me, ‘Have you got your menses?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ Then he called me and made me lie with him under the same sheet.”
She said: And she told me that the Prophet (Sallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) used to kiss her when he was fasting, and the Prophet (Sallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) and I used to do ghusl to cleanse ourselves from janabah from one vessel.
[Narrated by al-Bukhari, 316; Muslim, 296]
2. It was narrated that ‘Urwah ibn al-Zubair said: “ ‘Aishah said: ‘By Allāh, I saw the Messenger of Allāh (Sallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) standing at the door of my apartment when the Abyssinians were playing with their spears in the Mosque of the Messenger of Allāh (Sallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam). He covered me with his cloak so that I could watch their games, then he stood there for my sake until I was the one who had had enough. So you should appreciate the fact that young girls like to have fun.’”
[Narrated by Al-Bukhari, 443; Muslim, 892]
3. It was narrated from ‘Aishah the Mother of the Believers (may Allāh be pleased with her) that the Messenger of Allāh (Sallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) used to pray sitting down; he would recite Qur’an when he was sitting down, then when there were thirty or forty ayats left, he would stand up and recite them standing up. Then he did ruku’, then sujud; then he would do likewise in the second rak’ah. When he had finished his prayer, he would look, and if I was awake he would talk with me, and if I was asleep he would lie down. [Narrated by al-Bukhari, 1068]
(c) Not harming one’s wife.
This is one of the basic principles of Islam. Because harming others is haram in the case of strangers, it is even more so in the case of harming one’s wife.
It was narrated from ‘Ubadah ibn al-Samit that the Messenger of Allāh (Sallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) ruled: “There should be neither harming nor reciprocating harm.” [Narrated by Ibn Majah, 2340]
This hadith was classified as sahih by Imam Ahmad, al-Hakim, Ibn al-Salah and others. See Khalasat al-Badr al-Muneer, 2/438.
Among the things to which the Lawgiver drew attention in this matter is the prohibition of hitting or beating in a severe manner.
It was narrated from Jabir that the Messenger of Allāh (Sallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) said in his Farewell Sermon:
“Fear Allāh concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allāh, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allāh. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner”
[Narrated by Muslim, 1218]
Secondly: The husband’s rights over his wife.
The rights of the husband over his wife are among the greatest rights; indeed his rights over her are greater than her rights over him, because Allāh says:
“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them
[Al-Baqarah, 2:228]
Al-Jassas said: Allāh tells us in this ayah that each of the spouses has rights over the other and that the husband has one particular right over his wife which she does not have over him.
Ibn al-‘Arabi said: this text states that he has some preference over her with regard to rights and duties of marriage.
These rights include:
(a) the obligation of obedience. Allāh has made the man a qawwaam (protector and maintainer) of the woman by commanding, directing and taking care of her, just as guardians take care of their charges, by virtue of the physical and mental faculties that Allāh has given only to men and the financial obligations that He has enjoined upon them.
Allāh says:
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allāh has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means”
[Al-Nisa’, 4:34]
‘Ali ibn Abi Talhah said, narrating from Ibn ‘Abbas: “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women” means, they are in charge of them, i.e., she should obey him in matters of obedience that Allāh has enjoined upon her, and obey him by treating his family well and taking care of his wealth. This was the view of Muqaatil, al-Saddi and al-Dahhaak. [Tafsir Ibn Kathir, 1/492]
(b) Making herself available to her husband. One of the rights that the husband has over his wife is that he should be able to enjoy her (physically). If he marries a woman and she is able to have intercourse, she is obliged to submit herself to him according to the contract, if he asks her. That is after he gives her the immediate mahar, and gives her some time – two or three days, if she asks for that – to sort herself out, because that is something that she needs, and because that is not too long and is customary.
If a wife refuses to respond to her husband’s request for intercourse, she has done something haraam and has committed a major sin, unless she has a valid sharī’e excuse such as menses, obligatory fasting, sickness, etc.
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allāh be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allāh (Sallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) said: ‘When a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he went to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.’” [Narrated by al-Bukhari, 3065; Muslim, 1436]
(c) Not admitting anyone whom the husband dislikes. One of the rights that the husband has over his wife is that she should not permit anyone whom he dislikes to enter his house.
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allāh be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allāh (Sallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) said: “It is not permitted for a woman to fast when her husband is present without his permission, or to admit anyone into his house without his permission. And whatever she spends (in charity) of his wealth without his consent,” [Narrated by Al-Bukhari, 4899; Muslim, 1026]
It was narrated from Suleiman ibn ‘Amr ibn al-Ahwaz: my father told me that he was present at the Farewell Pilgrimage (Hajjat al-Wada’) with the Messenger of Allāh (Sallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam). He [the Prophet (Sallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam)] praised and glorified Allāh, then he preached a sermon and said: “Treat women kindly, for they are prisoners and you have no other power over them than that, if they are guilty of open lewdness, then refuse to share their beds, and hit them, but not severely. But if they return to obedience, (then) do not seek means (of annoyance) against them. You have rights over your women and your women have rights over you. Your rights over your women are that they should not let anyone whom you dislike sit on your bed and they should not let anyone whom you dislike enter your house. Their rights over you are that you should feed and clothe them well.”
[Narrated by Al-Tirmidzi, 1163 – he said this is a sahih hasan hadith. Also narrated by Ibn Majah, 1851]
It was narrated that Jabir said: [the Prophet] (Sallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) said: “Fear Allāh concerning women ! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allāh, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allāh. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner” [Narrated by Muslim, 1218]
(d) Not going out of the house except with the husband’s permission. One of the rights of the husband over his wife is that she should not go out of the house except with his permission.
The Shafi’es and Hanbalis said: she does not have the right to visit (even) her sick father except with the permission of her husband, and he has the right to prevent her from doing that… because obedience to the husband is obligatory, and it is not permitted to neglect an obligatory action for something that is not obligatory.
(e) Discipline. The husband has the right to discipline his wife if she disobeys him in something good, not if she disobeys him in something sinful, because Allāh has enjoined disciplining women by forsaking them in bed and by hitting them, when they do not obey.
The Hanafis mentioned four situations in which a husband is permitted to discipline his wife by hitting her. These are: not adorning herself when he wants her to; not responding when he calls her to bed and she is tahirah (pure, i.e., not menstruating); not praying; and going out of the house without his permission.
The evidence that it is permissible to discipline one's wife includes the ayats:
“As to those women on whose part you see ill conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful)” [Al-Nisa’, 4:34]
“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones” [Al-Tahrim, 66:6]
Ibn Kathir said: Qatadah said: you should command them to obey Allāh, and forbid them to disobey Allāh; you should be in charge of them in accordance with the command of Allāh, and instruct them to follow the commands of Allāh, and help them to do so. If you see any act of disobedience towards Allāh, then stop them from doing it and rebuke them for that.
This was also the view of al-Dahhaak and Muqaatil: that the duty of the Muslim is to teach his family, including his relatives and his slaves, that which Allāh has enjoined upon them and that which He has forbidden them. [Tafsir Ibn Kathir, 4/392]
(f) The wife serving her husband. There is a great deal of evidence (dalil) for this, some of which has been mentioned above.
(g) Submitting herself to him. Once the conditions of the marriage-contract have been fulfilled and it is valid, then the woman is obliged to submit herself to her husband and allow him to enjoy her (physically), because once the contract is completed, he is allowed in return to enjoy her, and the wife is entitled to the compensation which is the mahar.
(h) The wife should treat her husband in a good manner.
Allāh says:
“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable”
[Al-Baqarah 2:228]
Al-Qurtubi said: It was also narrated from him – i.e., Ibn ‘Abbas – that this means: they have the right to good companionship and kind and reasonable treatment from their husbands just as they are obliged to obey the commands of their husbands.
And it was said that they have the right that their husbands should not harm them, and their husbands have a similar right over them. This was the view of al-Tabari. Ibn Zaid said: You should fear Allāh concerning them just as they should fear Allāh concerning you. The meanings are similar, and the ayah includes all of that in the rights and duties of marriage. [Tafsir al-Qurtubi, 3/123-124]
And Allāh knows best.
[ Via Islam Q&A]
20.The Seven under the Shade of
Allāh
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