Sri Kandeh: Guideline On Upholding Ties Of Kinship

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Guideline On Upholding Ties Of Kinship

Guideline On Upholding Ties Of Kinship.

Does the son of my paternal aunt is my relative that whom I must uphold ties of kinship?

In the name of Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful;

All the praise and Thanks is due to Allāh, the Lord of al-`ālameen. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allāh, and that Muhammad, Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam, is His Messenger

Undoubtedly the son of your paternal aunt is one of the relatives with whom ties of kinship should be upheld and whom you should treat kindly and to whom you should be friendly. But is he one of the “rahm” relatives with whom ties of kinship must be upheld?

1. Relatives are of two types: Mahrams and Non-mahrams.

Relatives are of two types: mahrams and non-mahrams. The guideline on mahram relatives is each two persons who, if one were male and the other female, it would not be permissible for them to get married, such as fathers and mothers, sisters and brothers, grandfathers and grandmothers no matter how far the line of ascent reaches, children and grandchildren no matter how far the line of descent reaches, paternal uncles and aunts, and maternal uncles and aunts.

With regard to the children of paternal uncles and aunts and maternal uncles and aunts, they are not mahram relatives, because it is permissible to marry them. The Non-mahram relatives are all other relatives, such as the son of your paternal aunt, the daughter of your paternal aunt, the son of your maternal aunt, the daughter of your maternal aunt, and so on.

There is a difference of opinion among the fuqaha’ concerning upholding ties of kinship.

First opinion: Some fuqaha’ are of the view that the relatives with whom ties of kinship must be upheld are the mahram relatives only. As for non-mahram relatives, it is mustahabb to uphold ties with them but it is not obligatory.

This is the view of the Hanafis and is the lesser-known view of the Malikis; it is also the view of Abul-Khattab among the Hanbalis. Their evidence is that if it is obligatory to uphold ties of kinship with all relatives, it would be obligatory to uphold ties of kinship with all of the children of Adam, and that is impossible, so it is essential to set guidelines on the relationship which makes it obligatory to uphold and honour ties of kinship and makes it forbidden to cut those ties, and that is the mahram relatives.They also quoted as evidence the words of the Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam):

“One should not be married to a woman and her paternal aunt, or a woman and her maternal aunt, at the same time.”

[Al-Bukhari and Muslim (1408)]

Al-Hafiz Ibn Hajar Al-Asqalani (rahimahullah) said: Al-Tabarāni added to the hadith of Ibn ‘Abbas (radiyallahu’anhu) : “If you do that, you have severed your ties of kinship.” This was classified as sahih by Ibn Hibbān. Abu Dawud narrated in “Al-Marasil” a report from ‘Eesa Ibn Talhah that the Messenger of Allah (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) forbade being married to a woman and any of her relatives at the same time, for fear of severing ties of kinship. [Al-Dirāyah fi Takhrij Ahadith al-Hidayah (2/56)]

The way in which they understood this hadīth to prove their point was explained by some of the Maliki scholars (rahimahullah).

Al-Qurafi (rahimahullah)said: The eighth issue regarding the obligation of upholding ties of kinship: Shaikh al-Tartushi (rahimahullah) said: one of the scholars said: rather upholding ties of kinship is obligatory if the relatives are mahrams, which refers to each two persons who, if one were male and the other female, it would not be permissible for them to get married, such as fathers and mothers, sisters and brothers, grandfathers and grandmothers no matter how far the line of ascent reaches, children and grandchildren no matter how far the line of descent reaches, paternal uncles and aunts, and maternal uncles and aunts. As for the children of these relatives, upholding ties of kinship between them is not obligatory, because it is permissible for them to get married.

The soundness of this view is indicated by the fact that it is haram to be married to two sisters, or to a woman and her paternal aunt or to a woman and her maternal aunt at the same time, because that leads to severing the ties of kinship, and avoiding something haram is obligatory, and honouring them and not harming them is obligatory. But is it permissible to be married to two female paternal cousins or two female maternal cousins at the same time, even if they are jealous of one another and sever ties with one another, and that is because upholding ties of kinship between them is not obligatory. [Al-Farouq (1/147)]

The second opinion concerning this issue is that it is obligatory to uphold ties of kinship with all of them, with no distinction between mahrams and non-mahrams.

This is one view of the Hanafis and is the well known view of the Malikis. It was also stated by Imam Ahmad, (rahimahullah), and it is what may be understood from the general terms in which the Shafi’es discussed this issue, because none of them singled out the mahram relatives in this regard. [Al-Mawsu’ah al-Fiqhiyyah al-Kuwaitiyyah (3/83)]

[See also: Ghadha’ al-Albab by al-Safāreeni (1/354) and Bareeqah Mahmūdiyyah (4/153)]

There are other opinions concerning this matter. It says in Subul al-Salām (2/628): It should be noted that the scholars differed concerning the definition of the relatives with whom it is obligatory to uphold ties of kinship. It was said that it is relatives with whom marriage is harām, such that if one of them were male marriage to the other would be forbidden. Based on that, it does not include the children of paternal or maternal uncles and aunts. Those who hold this view quote as evidence the fact that it is haram to be married to a woman and her paternal aunt or maternal aunt at the same time, because that leads to severing of ties of kinship.

And it was said that it is those who are connected by inheritance which is indicated by the words of the Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam), “then the next closest and the next closest.” [Narrated by Muslim]

And it was said that it refers to those who are related to one another regardless of whether they are connected by inheritance or not.

Moreover, upholding of ties of kinship, as Al-Qādi ‘Iyād (rahimahullah) said, is of varying degrees, some of which are higher than others. At the very least, it is not forsaking one another, and upholding ties by speaking, even if it only saying salām. That varies according to possibility and need. It may be obligatory or mustahabb. If a person upholds ties to some extent, even if it is not to the fullest extent, he cannot be called a breaker of ties of kinship, and if he fails to do what he is able to do and should do, then he cannot be called an upholder of ties of kinship.

Al-Qurtubi (rahimahullah) said: “The degrees of relationship which must be upheld are general and specific. The general relationship is that which is based on religion, which must be upheld by means of mutual love, sincerity, fairness and fulfilment of rights both obligatory and mustahabb. In addition to that, the specific relationship also involves spending on relatives, checking on them and overlooking their mistakes.”

This is a summary of what the scholars have said about this issue, but what has been narrated about the great reward for upholding ties of kinship and the severe punishment for severing them will be no secret to you. This means that you should be keen to uphold ties of kinship and beware of severing them, and be on the safe side with regard to your religious commitment, and avoid an area concerning which the scholars differed.

So hasten to uphold ties of kinship with the son of your paternal aunt, and treat him kindly as much as you can, for the reward of that will not be lost with Allah.

Allah's Messenger, (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) said:"The most virtuous behavior is to engage those who sever relations, to give to those who withhold from you, and to forgive those who wrong you" [At-Tabarāni].

The kindred (arham) are the blood relatives on mother’s and father’s sides. They are the ones meant in the verses in al-Qur’ān in which Allāh says: “But kindred by blood are nearer to one another (regarding inheritance) in the decree ordained by Allah” [Al-Anfal 8:57; Al-Ahzab 33:6]

2. It is Obligatory to Uphold Ties of Kinship.

Upholding the ties of kinship is obligatory to the extent that one is able to do it, beginning with the closest and then the next close kinship. There is a great deal of goodness in it and it serves many interests.

Severing the ties of kinship is a major sin, because Allah says: “Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land, and sever your ties of kinship? Such are they whom Allah has cursed, so that He has made them deaf and blinded their sight” [Muhammad, 47:22]

Muslim recorded in his Sahih that when a man asked the Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam), “O Messenger of Allah, whom should I honour?” He said: “Your mother.” He said: “Then whom?” He said: “Your mother.” He said: “Then whom?” He said: “Your mother.” He said: “Then whom?” The fourth time he said: “Your father, then the next closest and the next closest.” [Muslim].

In al-Sahih it is narrated that the Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) said:

“Whoever would like his provision to be increased and his lifespan to be extended, let him uphold the ties of kinship.”

There are many ahadith on this issue. What you have to do is to uphold the ties of kinship to the extent that you are able to, by visiting them if possible, or by writing or phoning. It is also prescribed for you to uphold kinship ties financially too, if the relative is poor.

Allah says: “So keep your duty to Allah and fear Him as much as you can” [Al-Taghabun, 64:16]; "Allah burdens not a person beyond his scope” [Al-Baqarah, 2:286]

And the Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) said: “When I command you to do something, do as much of it as you can.”

3.The Curse of Allah upon Those Who Sever Blood Relations

Allah has severely warned those who cut off their blood relations and family ties. The Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) also condemned such people.

Allah the Almighty Says: "Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land and sever your ties of kinship? Such are they whom Allah has cursed, so that He has made them deaf and blinded their sight." [Surah Muhammad, 47:22-23]

All Muslims should read these two verses over and over again, and let them sink in, because the verse right after that says: "Do they not then think deeply in the Quran? Or are their hearts locked up?" [Surah Muhammad, 47:24]; we seek refuge in Allah, the Lord of the worlds, from the sealing of our hearts and the subjugation of our weak selves.

Even the company of those who mistreat their families and are cut off from them is accursed.

'Abdullah Ibn Abu 'Awf (radiyallāhu`anhu) narrated that, "One time we were sitting with the Messenger (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) who said: `No one who cuts off his ties should sit with us.' So a young man stood up from the crowd and went to visit his aunt, with whom he had some frictions, she then asked forgiveness for him, and he did the same for her, soon afterwards, he came back to our gathering circle, upon which the Messenger (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) said: "The Mercy will not descend on people among whom there is a person who severs kin ties."

Severing one's blood ties is far from a trivial choice; it is an evil that may hinder you from entering Paradise.

The Messenger of Allah (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) said: "No one who severs his family ties will enter Paradise." [At-Tirmidzi]

Part of the danger resulting from cutting off one's relations can be sensed from the following hadith.

Abu Hurairah (radiyallāhu`anhu) related that a man came to the Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) and said: "O Messenger of Allah, my relatives are such that I cooperate with them, but they cut me off; I am kind to them but they ill-treat me; I forbear but they are rude to me." The Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) replied:"If you are as you say, you are then feeding them with hot ashes; and so long as you remain the way you are, Allah will always help you and he will protect you against their mischief." [Muslim]

Imam An-Nawawi (rahimahullah) said: "The hot ashes are a metaphor for the amount of pain and agony experienced by the one who eats them." The hadith pertains also to the people who behave differently. They will maintain good times as long as their kindred do the same, but otherwise they sever them. Real cherishing of the blood relation is not observed in anticipation of reciprocation on the part of one's kin; but the ties should be maintained for Allah’s sake only, even if this is done from one side only neglecting the behaviour of the other side in return.

‘Abdullah Ibn 'Amr (radiyallāhu`anhu) narrated that the Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) said:"A person who reciprocates in doing good is not the one who joins his blood relations generously; but he is one who joins with his blood relations when they sever the kinship ties." [Al-Bukhari]

This wonderful hadith puts all things in perspective for those who are so skilled at pointing fingers, trying to justify the haughtiness of their own selves by always blaming other people, thus justifying their cutting of ties. The Messenger (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) penly states that regardless of their behaviour you should visit them; regardless of their detachment, you should maintain your ties; regardless of their offensiveness, reward them with forbearance, and most importantly, never cease to include in your supplications that Allah grant them a change of heart; for all the hearts are between His fingers, He flips them as He wills.

The Allah’s Messenger (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) set for all humanity the greatest example of forgiveness and mercy after he conquered Makkah. The Makkans had tortured, killed, and humiliated Muslims for so long, and killed some of the dearest relatives of the blessed Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) himself. But the Allah’s Messenger (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) answered them by saying "I would say to you what Yusuf said to his brothers: No reproach on you this day; May Allah forgives you; He is the most Merciful of those who show mercy. Go free; you are all pardoned!" This incident never fails to bring tears to a Muslim's eye. In fact, any human being would be moved by such nobility and mercy to tears. No wonder ‘Aishah (radiyallāhu`anha) when asked about the character of the Messenger (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) said that his character was the Quran. Better yet Allah bears witness that his Messenger stands on the highest plane of character.

Allah Says: "And verily, you have an exalted standard of character." [Surah Al-Qalam, 68:4]

May Allah Guide us on the Right Path.

[Via Islam Q&A]