Disputes and the Virtue of Reconciling Between Two Disputing Parties
In our class we have two classmates who were not speaking to one another during Ramadhan, and they have been like that for a long time. My relationship with them is not strong, but I want to reconcile between them so that I may attain the reward of reconciling between people, and I want a letter that I can write to them, but I am afraid of dealing with them face to face.
In the name of Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful;
All the praise and Thanks is due to Allāh, the Lord of al-`ālameen. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allāh, and that Muhammad, Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam, is His Messenger
Firstly: What you are keen to do is indeed one of the noblest of attitudes.
“So fear Allah and adjust all matters of difference among you, and obey Allah and His Messenger (Muhammad), if you are believers” [Al-Anfaal, 8:1]
“There is no good in most of their secret talks save (in) him who orders Sadaqah (charity in Allah’s Cause), or Ma‘ruuf (Islamic Monotheism and all the good and righteous deeds which Allah has ordained), or conciliation between mankind; and he who does this, seeking the good Pleasure of Allah, We shall give him a great reward” [Al-Nisa’, 4:114]
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) told us that reconciling between people is better than observing voluntary fasts, offering voluntary prayers and giving voluntary charity.
It was narrated that Abu’l-Darda’ (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Shall I not tell you something that is better than the status of (voluntary) fasting, prayer and charity?” They said: “Yes.” He said: “Reconciling in a case of discord, for the evil of discord is the shaver.” Al-Tirmidhi said: It was narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “It is the shaver, and I do not say that it shaves hair, but that it shaves (i.e., destroys) religious commitment.”
[Narrated by Abu Dawud, 4273; Al-Tirmidzi, 2433. Classified as hasan by al-Albani in Sahih Al-Tirmidzi]
Islam has permitted telling lies in order to achieve this great purpose. So it is permissible for you to tell each party that the other has said good things about them and praised them so as to encourage reconciliation. This does not come under the heading of lies that are haram.
It was narrated from Umm Kalthum bint ‘Uqbah ibn Abi Mu’eet that she heard the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “He is not a liar who seeks to reconcile between people and says good things.” [Narrated by Al-Bukhari, 2490]
Secondly: For Muslims to forsake one another is a haram action. You can remind both parties of the texts which indicate that. These include the following:
(a) The verse in which Allah says:
“And obey Allah and His Messenger, and do not dispute (with one another) lest you lose courage and your strength departs, and be patient. Surely, Allaah is with those who are As Sabirun (the patient)” [Al-Anfaal, 8:46]
(b) The verse in which Allah says:
“And hold fast, all of you together, to the Rope of Allah (i.e. this Qur’an), and be not divided among yourselves, and remember Allah’s Favour on you, for you were enemies one to another but He joined your hearts together, so that, by His Grace, you became brethren (in Islamic Faith), and you were on the brink of a pit of Fire, and He saved you from it. Thus Allah makes His Ayat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.,) clear to you, that you may be guided” [Al- ‘Imran, 3:103]
The Sunnah of the Prophet SAW.
(a) It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Do not hate one another, do not envy one another, do not turn away from one another. Be, O slaves of Allah, brothers. It is not permissible for a Muslim to forsake his brother for more than three days.” [Narrated by Al-Bukhari, 6065; Muslim, 2559].
(b) It was narrated that Abu Ayyub al-Ansari (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “It is not permissible for a Muslim to forsake his brother for more than three days, each of them turning away when they meet. The better of them is the one who gives the greeting of salaam first.” [Narrated by Al-Bukhari, 2757; Muslim, 2560].
(c) It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “The gates of Paradise are opened on Monday and Thursday, and everyone who does not associate anything with Allah is forgiven, except a man who has had an argument with his brother. It is said: ‘Wait for these two until they reconcile, wait for these two until they reconcile, wait for these two until they reconcile.” [Narrated by Muslim, 2565]
Al-Nawawi said: “Wait for these two” means wait until they have reconciled and love has been restored between them.
(d) It was narrated from Abu Kharash al-Sulami that he heard the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) says: “Whoever forsakes his brother for a year, it is as if he has shed his blood.”
[Narrated by Abu Dawud, 4915, Classified as sahih by al-Albani in Sahih al-Targhib, 2762]
These texts indicate that it is forbidden for a Muslim to forsake his brother by not greeting him with salaam and by turning away from him for more than three days, so long as that forsaking is not for a shar’ie reason and is not being done in order to achieve some purpose, in which case it is permissible to forsake him for more than three days.
You have to remind these two disputing parties of these verses and ahadith. Try to reconcile their points of view, and encourage them to forget their differences. You could address each of them directly, or you could write these texts on a piece of paper and give it to them to read.
We ask Allah to help us the right Path.
And Allah knows best.
[Via Islam Q&A]
Please See Also: