Sunday, March 29, 2009

The Kindred of Kinship


The Kindred of Kinship 
 
Who are the kindred (arham) with whom one must uphold the ties of kinship?

Allah, the exalted, and His Messenger
(Sallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) have enjoined the upholding of the ties of kinship. Who are the kindred with whom we must uphold the ties of kinship? Are they on the father’s side, the mother’s side or the wife’s side?

In the Name of Allāh, Most Gracious, Most Merciful;
All praise and thanks are due to Allāh, May Allāh blessings and peace be upon His Messenger.

Firstly: The scholars differed as to the definition of the kindred with whom ties of kinship must be upheld. 

There are three views: 

1- The mahrams (those whom one is forbidden to marry)
2- Those who will inherit from you
3- All blood relatives, whether they are heirs or not.

The correct scholarly view is the third one, which it refers to all blood relatives – not relatives through breastfeeding – on both the father’s side and the mother’s.

As for the wife’s relatives, they are not kindred (arham) for the husband, and the husband’s relatives are not kindred for the wife.

Who are one's kindred and relatives? Some people say that the wife’s relatives are not kindred.

The kindred (arham) are the blood relatives on your mother’s and father’s sides. They are the ones meant in the verses in al-Qur’ān in which Allāh says:

“But kindred by blood are nearer to one another (regarding inheritance) in the decree ordained by Allah”

[Al-Anfal 8:57; Al-Ahzab 33:6]

The closest of them are fathers, mothers, grandparents, children and their children, no matter how far the line of descent goes. Then the next closest and the next closest of brothers and their children, paternal uncles and aunts and their children, and maternal uncles and aunts and their children. 

It is narrated in a sahih report from the Prophet (Sallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) that someone asked him: 

“Whom should I honour, O Messenger of Allāh?” He said, “Your mother.” He said: “Then whom?” He said: “Your mother.” He said: “Then whom?” He said, “Your mother.” He said: “Then whom?” He said: “Then your father, then the next closest and the next closest.” 

[Narrated by Muslim]

And there are many similar ahadith.

With regard to the wife’s relatives, they are not kindred of her husband, because they are not his relatives, but they are kindred of his children from her.

[Fatawa Islamiyyah (4/195)]

The relatives of each spouse are not kindred of the other spouse, but they should still be treated kindly, because that is part of the good treatment of the spouses towards one another, and it is one of the ways of increasing love.

It was narrated in the Sahihayn that the Prophet (Sallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) said: 

“Whoever would like his provision to be increased and his life span to be extended let him uphold the ties of kinship.”

Secondly:  Upholding the ties of kinship may be done in many ways, such as visiting, giving charity, treating them kindly, visiting them when they are sick, enjoining them to do what is good and forbidding them to do what is evil, and so on.

Al-Nawawi (rahimahullah) said: 

Upholding the ties of kinship means kind treatment of relatives according to the position of each of them. Sometimes it may be by giving money, sometimes by serving them, sometimes by visiting them, or greeting them, and so on.

[Sharh Muslim (2/201)].

Scholars regarded upholding the ties of kinship depend on what is customary among people, because it is not defined in the Qur’ān and Sunnah in precise terms of type or amount. The Prophet (Sallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) did not limit it to any specific thing; rather it is general in meaning. Hence reference should be made to what is customary. Whatever is customarily regarded as upholding the ties of kinship is upholding the ties of kinship, and what the people customarily regard as breaking the ties of kinship is breaking the ties of kinship.

And Allāh Knows Best.


[Via Islam QA]



Not Permissible To Forsake a Muslim


It Is Not Permissible To Forsake a Muslim 

It is only permissible for a Muslim to be mad at a fellow brother for 3 days at most and the one who is better is who talks first. But sometimes a brother may do something which I do not approve of it.

In the Name of Allāh, Most Gracious, Most Merciful;
All praise and thanks are due to Allāh, May Peace and blessings of Allāh upon His Messenger.

It is not permissible to forsake a Muslim, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said:

“It is not permissible for a man to forsake his Muslim brother for more than three days, each of them turning away from the other when they meet. The better of them is the one who gives the greeting of salām first.”

 [Narrated by Al-Bukhari, 5727; Muslim, 2560].

The hadith applies especially if the believer is a relative, such as a brother, nephew, uncle or cousin, because in such cases forsaking is an even worse sin.

This applies unless the person is committing a sin and there is an interest to be served by forsaking him, i.e., that it will make him give up the sin. In that case there is nothing wrong with it, because this comes under the heading of removing evil. The Prophet (sallallāhu `alayhi wa sallam) said:

“Whoever among you sees an evil action, let him change it with his hand [by taking action]; if he cannot, then with his tongue [by speaking out]; if he cannot then with his heart [by hating it and feeling that it is wrong], and that is the weakest of faith.”

[Narrated by Muslim, 49]

The basic principle is that it is harām for a Muslim to forsake his fellow-Muslim, unless there is a reason to allow it.

[Faāwa Manār Al-Islām, by Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, vol. 3, p. 732]

Wali al-Dīn al-‘Iraqi said:

This prohibition applies in cases where the forsaking is caused by anger with regard to something permissible that has nothing to do with religion. With regard to forsaking someone for a religious reason, such as his committing sin or bid’ah, there is no prohibition on it. The Prophet (sallallāhu `alayhi wa sallam) commanded (his companions) to forsake Ka’ab Ibn Malik, Hilal Ibn Umayyah and Marārah Ibn Al-Rabee’ (may Allah be pleased with them). Ibn ‘Abd al-Barr said: This hadith of Ka’ab indicates that it is permissible for a man to forsake his brother if he commits some act of bid’ah or immorality, in the hope that forsaking him may discipline him and serve as a rebuke to him. Abu’l-‘Abbas al-Qurtubi said: With regard to forsaking a person because of sin or bid’ah, it should be continued until he repents from that and does not go back to it. Ibn ‘Abd Al-Barr also said: The scholars are unanimously agreed that it is not permissible for a Muslim to forsake his brother for more than three days, unless there is the fear that speaking to him and keeping in touch with him will affect one’s religious commitment or have some harmful effect on one's spiritual and worldly interests. If that is the case, it is permissible to avoid him, because peaceful avoidance is better than harmful mixing.

[Tarh al-Tathrīb, 8/99]

What you should do, if your brother has done something harām, is to advise him and explain that this thing is haram and is not permitted, and remind him of Allāh. If you see that he is persisting in his sin and you think that forsaking him will serve a purpose, then it is permissible to do so, as stated above. But if he has simply done something that you do not agree with, or it is the matter of different points of view, then you should explain to him that you do not agree with what he has done or, with his mistaken point of view. But if you make forsaking him the sign of you’re disagreeing with him, this may lead to him rejecting your view completely, let alone the fact that this is not a legitimate shar’ie justification for forsaking him for more than three days. We have seen above in the fatwa that the basic principle is that it is haram for a Muslim to forsake his fellow-Muslim, unless there is a reason to allow it.

The Muslim must be forbearing and sincere towards his brothers, he must be tolerant towards them and overlook their mistakes. He should not hasten to adopt a solution that may cause division and harām kinds of forsaking.

May Allāh Guides us to the straight path.


Disputes and the Virtue of Reconciling



Disputes and the Virtue of Reconciling Between Two Disputing Parties


In our class we have two classmates who were not speaking to one another during Ramadhan, and they have been like that for a long time. My relationship with them is not strong, but I want to reconcile between them so that I may attain the reward of reconciling between people, and I want a letter that I can write to them, but I am afraid of dealing with them face to face.



In the name of Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful;
All the praise and Thanks is due to Allāh, the Lord of al-`ālameen. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allāh, and that Muhammad, Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam, is His Messenger

Firstly: What you are keen to do is indeed one of the noblest of attitudes.

Allah says:

“So fear Allah and adjust all matters of difference among you, and obey Allah and His Messenger (Muhammad), if you are believers” [Al-Anfaal, 8:1]

“There is no good in most of their secret talks save (in) him who orders Sadaqah (charity in Allah’s Cause), or Ma‘ruuf (Islamic Monotheism and all the good and righteous deeds which Allah has ordained), or conciliation between mankind; and he who does this, seeking the good Pleasure of Allah, We shall give him a great reward” [Al-Nisa’, 4:114]


The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) told us that reconciling between people is better than observing voluntary fasts, offering voluntary prayers and giving voluntary charity.

It was narrated that Abu’l-Darda’ (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Shall I not tell you something that is better than the status of (voluntary) fasting, prayer and charity?” They said: “Yes.” He said: “Reconciling in a case of discord, for the evil of discord is the shaver.” Al-Tirmidhi said: It was narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “It is the shaver, and I do not say that it shaves hair, but that it shaves (i.e., destroys) religious commitment.”

[Narrated by Abu Dawud, 4273; Al-Tirmidzi, 2433. Classified as hasan by al-Albani in Sahih Al-Tirmidzi]

Islam has permitted telling lies in order to achieve this great purpose. So it is permissible for you to tell each party that the other has said good things about them and praised them so as to encourage reconciliation. This does not come under the heading of lies that are haram.

It was narrated from Umm Kalthum bint ‘Uqbah ibn Abi Mu’eet that she heard the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “He is not a liar who seeks to reconcile between people and says good things.” [Narrated by Al-Bukhari, 2490]

Secondly: For Muslims to forsake one another is a haram action. You can remind both parties of the texts which indicate that. These include the following:


Holy Qur’an.

(a) The verse in which Allah says:

“And obey Allah and His Messenger, and do not dispute (with one another) lest you lose courage and your strength departs, and be patient. Surely, Allaah is with those who are As Sabirun (the patient)” [Al-Anfaal, 8:46]

(b) The verse in which Allah says:

“And hold fast, all of you together, to the Rope of Allah (i.e. this Qur’an), and be not divided among yourselves, and remember Allah’s Favour on you, for you were enemies one to another but He joined your hearts together, so that, by His Grace, you became brethren (in Islamic Faith), and you were on the brink of a pit of Fire, and He saved you from it. Thus Allah makes His Ayat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.,) clear to you, that you may be guided” [Al- ‘Imran, 3:103]


The Sunnah of the Prophet SAW.

(a) It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Do not hate one another, do not envy one another, do not turn away from one another. Be, O slaves of Allah, brothers. It is not permissible for a Muslim to forsake his brother for more than three days.” [Narrated by Al-Bukhari, 6065; Muslim, 2559].

(b) It was narrated that Abu Ayyub al-Ansari (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “It is not permissible for a Muslim to forsake his brother for more than three days, each of them turning away when they meet. The better of them is the one who gives the greeting of salaam first.” [Narrated by Al-Bukhari, 2757; Muslim, 2560].

(c) It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “The gates of Paradise are opened on Monday and Thursday, and everyone who does not associate anything with Allah is forgiven, except a man who has had an argument with his brother. It is said: ‘Wait for these two until they reconcile, wait for these two until they reconcile, wait for these two until they reconcile.” [Narrated by Muslim, 2565]

Al-Nawawi said: “Wait for these two” means wait until they have reconciled and love has been restored between them.

(d) It was narrated from Abu Kharash al-Sulami that he heard the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) says: “Whoever forsakes his brother for a year, it is as if he has shed his blood.”

[Narrated by Abu Dawud, 4915, Classified as sahih by al-Albani in Sahih al-Targhib, 2762]

These texts indicate that it is forbidden for a Muslim to forsake his brother by not greeting him with salaam and by turning away from him for more than three days, so long as that forsaking is not for a shar’ie reason and is not being done in order to achieve some purpose, in which case it is permissible to forsake him for more than three days.

You have to remind these two disputing parties of these verses and ahadith. Try to reconcile their points of view, and encourage them to forget their differences. You could address each of them directly, or you could write these texts on a piece of paper and give it to them to read.

We ask Allah to help us the right Path.

And Allah knows best.



Friday, March 27, 2009

Dealing With Relatives Who Backbite

Dealing With Relatives Who Backbite

By Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

I have recently started to make a conscious effort to become a good practicing Muslim. Beyond the basics tenants of faith I have also started to read about and gain knowledge about Islām. Keeping ties with relatives is good practice in Islam. To gain the pleasures of Allāh (SWT) I am making a conscious effort to meet them whom previously I used to avoid. It seems though the more I and my family mix with relatives the more they talk behind our backs and spread baseless slanderous remarks. This is very hurtful and it takes a lot of patience to ignore and be indifferent to people with such habits. What would be the correct way to deal with such relatives? Previously i would have confronted such people with anger, but now i know nothing will be gained only bad feelings and anger. Should I leave such people for Allāh to deal with? Please advise me which duās can i recite to increase my patience?

In the name of Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful;
All the praise and Thanks are due to Allāh, the Lord of the al-ā’lamīn. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allāh, and that Muhammad, sallallāhu alayhi wa sallam, is His Messenger.

The attribute of patience is indeed a high status with which Allāh blesses whomsoever He wills among His slaves, to make it easy for them to obey His commands and heed His prohibitions.


Your attempts to bring people together and to get closer to your relatives are a praiseworthy effort which points to your success and correct thinking.


For many people, if they are faced with even a part of what you have suffered, quickly lose patience and respond to cutting off of ties in like manner, because they think that upholding family ties is only obligatory when relatives respond in the same manner. This is a mistaken notion and the fact that it is mistaken is indicated by the hadith which was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (radiallāhu`anhu), which says that a man said:


“O Messenger of Allāh, I have relatives with whom I uphold the ties of kinship but they cut me off; I treat them well but they mistreat me; I am patient with them but they treat me in an ignorant manner.” The Prophet (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam)  said: “If it is as you say, then it is as if you are stuffing hot ashes [in their mouths], and you will have with you [an angel] from Allāh to support you against them so long as you continue to be like that.”

 [Narrated by Muslim, 2285]

In this hadith, a man came to the Prophet (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam) complaining of his relatives’ bad treatment of him, and in his complaint he mentioned something similar to what you have mentioned: he upheld the ties of kinship but they cut him off, he treated them well but they treated him badly. Yet despite that the Prophet (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam)  told him that if he was telling the truth, then his situation with them would be like one fills their mouths with ashes, so he is the one who is doing the right thing, and he would continue to have support from Allāh against them. The general meaning of the hadith is to encourage the upholding of family ties even with those who does not themselves uphold those ties. Praise be to Allāh that this is what you have done and have forced yourself to do. I hope Allāh to help you to do that which is good.

After that there is nothing more that you can do except to follow one good deed with another, one kind action with another. If they mistreat you then do to them the opposite of that which they have done to you.

You should note that when you do that, you are doing it only to earn the pleasure and mercy of Allāh. Do not expect any response to your good deed from them. But try not to tell people what they are doing to you. If you think that one of the causes of this problem is too much contact with them, there is nothing wrong with your reducing your visits with them.

Pray to Allāh to guide them; pray to Him when you are certain of a response, for Allāh is Able to turn their hatred into love and their neglect into close ties.

With regard to your question about duā’ that will help you to be patient when faced with difficulties, there is many such duā, and we will tell you some of them here:

Firstly: It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbās (radiallāhu`anhu) said:

“When faced with difficulties the Prophet (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam) would say: ‘Lā ilāha ill-Allāh al-‘Azīm al-Halīm, lā ilāha ill-Allāh Rabb il-‘Arsh il-‘Azīm, lā ilāha ill-Allāh Rabb ul-samawāti wa Rabb ul-‘Arsh il-Karīm -- (There is no god except Allāh, the Almighty, the Forbearing; there is no god except Allāh the Lord of the Mighty Throne; there is no god except Allāh, Lord of the heavens and Lord of the noble Throne).’”

[Narrated by al-Bukhari, 7426]

According to a report narrated by Muslim: “When the Prophet (Sallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) was concerned about an important matter or when he was worried…” [Muslim, 2130]

Secondly: It was narrated that Anas (radiallāhu`anhu) said:

“When the Prophet (Sallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) was distressed by something, he would say, ‘Yā Hayyu, Yā Qayyūm, bi rahmatika astaghīth -- (O Ever-Living, O Eternal One, by Your mercy I seek help).’”

[ Narrated by al-Tirmidzi, 3524); classified as sahih ]

We also want to tell you of something important which will help you to be more patient and will give you certain faith in Allāh, especially when you are upset and worried. This is something which many people neglect it. Do you know what it is?

It is prayer, for prayer has a great effect in bringing peace to the heart and in dispelling worries and distress. It is one of the greatest means of being patient. This is indicated by the Qur’an and Sunnah.

Allāh says:

“And seek help in patience and As-Salāh (the prayer) and truly, it is extremely heavy and hard except for Al-Khāshi‘ūn [i.e. the true believers in Allāh — those who obey Allāh with full submission, fear much from His punishment, and believe in His Promise (Paradise) and in His Warnings (Hell)]”

[Al-Baqarah, 2:45]

Prayer is the greatest thing by means of which help may be sought.

And Allāh says:

“Indeed, We know that your breast is straitened at what they say. So glorify the praises of your Lord and be of those who prostrate themselves (to Him). And worship your Lord until there comes unto you the certainty (i.e. death)”

 [Al-Hijr, 15:97-99]


Imam Ibn Jarir al-Tabari said in his Tafsir: “‘So glorify the praises of your Lord’: with regard to matters which are worrying you, turn to Allāh and give thank to Allāh and praise Him, and pray, and Allāh will take care of that which is troubling you. This is similar to the hadith narrated from the Prophet (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam): ‘When something troubled him, he would turn to prayer.’” (7/553)


Finally I ask Allāh the Almighty, the Lord of the Mighty Throne, to bless us with Right Path.

And Allāh knows best.
[ Via Islam Q&A]