Guideline On Upholding Ties Of
Kinship.
Does the son of my paternal aunt is my relative that whom
I must uphold ties of kinship?
In the name of Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful;
All the praise and Thanks is due to Allāh, the Lord of al-`ālameen.
I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allāh, and that Muhammad,
Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam, is His Messenger
Undoubtedly the son of your paternal aunt is one of the relatives
with whom ties of kinship should be upheld and whom you should treat kindly and
to whom you should be friendly. But is he one of the “rahm” relatives with whom
ties of kinship must be upheld?
1. Relatives are of two types: Mahrams and Non-mahrams.
Relatives are of two types: mahrams and non-mahrams. The guideline on mahram relatives is each two persons who, if one were male and the other female, it would not be permissible for them to get married, such as fathers and mothers, sisters and brothers, grandfathers and grandmothers no matter how far the line of ascent reaches, children and grandchildren no matter how far the line of descent reaches, paternal uncles and aunts, and maternal uncles and aunts.
With regard to the children of paternal uncles and aunts and
maternal uncles and aunts, they are not mahram relatives, because it is
permissible to marry them. The Non-mahram
relatives are all other relatives, such as the son of
your paternal aunt, the daughter of your paternal aunt, the son of your
maternal aunt, the daughter of your maternal aunt, and so on.
There is a difference of opinion among the fuqaha’ concerning upholding ties of
kinship.
First opinion: Some
fuqaha’ are of the view that the relatives with whom ties of kinship must be
upheld are the mahram relatives only. As for non-mahram relatives, it is
mustahabb to uphold ties with them but it is not obligatory.
This is the view of the Hanafis and is the lesser-known view of
the Malikis; it is also the view of Abul-Khattab among the
Hanbalis. Their evidence is that if it is obligatory to uphold ties of kinship
with all relatives, it would be obligatory to uphold ties of kinship with all
of the children of Adam, and that is impossible, so it is essential to set
guidelines on the relationship which makes it obligatory to uphold and honour
ties of kinship and makes it forbidden to cut those ties, and that is the
mahram relatives.They also quoted as evidence the words of the Prophet (Sallallāhu
`alayhi wasallam):
“One should not be married to a woman and her
paternal aunt, or a woman and her maternal aunt, at the same time.”
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim (1408)]
Al-Hafiz Ibn Hajar Al-Asqalani (rahimahullah)
said: Al-Tabarāni added to the hadith of Ibn ‘Abbas (radiyallahu’anhu) : “If you
do that, you have severed your ties of kinship.” This was
classified as sahih by Ibn Hibbān. Abu Dawud narrated in “Al-Marasil” a report
from ‘Eesa Ibn Talhah that the Messenger of Allah (Sallallāhu `alayhi
wasallam) forbade being married to a woman and
any of her relatives at the same time, for fear of severing ties of kinship. [Al-Dirāyah fi Takhrij Ahadith al-Hidayah
(2/56)]
The way in which they understood this hadīth to prove their point
was explained by some of the Maliki scholars (rahimahullah).
Al-Qurafi (rahimahullah)said: The eighth issue regarding the
obligation of upholding ties of kinship: Shaikh al-Tartushi (rahimahullah)
said: one of the scholars said: rather upholding ties of kinship is obligatory if the relatives are
mahrams, which refers to each two persons who, if one
were male and the other female, it would not be permissible for them to get
married, such as fathers and mothers, sisters and brothers, grandfathers and
grandmothers no matter how far the line of ascent reaches, children and
grandchildren no matter how far the line of descent reaches, paternal uncles
and aunts, and maternal uncles and aunts. As for the children of
these relatives, upholding ties of kinship between them is not obligatory,
because it is permissible for them to get married.
The soundness of this view is indicated by the fact that it is
haram to be married to two sisters, or to a woman and her paternal aunt or to a
woman and her maternal aunt at the same time, because that leads to severing
the ties of kinship, and avoiding something haram is obligatory, and honouring
them and not harming them is obligatory. But is it permissible to be married to
two female paternal cousins or two female maternal cousins at the same time, even
if they are jealous of one another and sever ties with one another, and that is
because upholding ties of kinship between them is not obligatory. [Al-Farouq
(1/147)]
The second opinion
concerning this issue is that it is obligatory to uphold ties of kinship with
all of them, with no distinction between mahrams and non-mahrams.
This is one view of the Hanafis and is the well known view of the
Malikis. It was also stated by Imam Ahmad, (rahimahullah), and it is what may
be understood from the general terms in which the Shafi’es discussed this
issue, because none of them singled out the mahram relatives in this regard.
[Al-Mawsu’ah al-Fiqhiyyah al-Kuwaitiyyah (3/83)]
[See also: Ghadha’ al-Albab by al-Safāreeni (1/354) and Bareeqah
Mahmūdiyyah (4/153)]
There are other opinions concerning this matter. It says in Subul al-Salām (2/628): It should be
noted that the scholars differed concerning the definition of the relatives
with whom it is obligatory to uphold ties of kinship. It was said that it is
relatives with whom marriage is harām, such that if one of them were male
marriage to the other would be forbidden. Based on that, it does not include
the children of paternal or maternal uncles and aunts. Those who hold this view
quote as evidence the fact that it is haram to be married to a woman and her
paternal aunt or maternal aunt at the same time, because that leads to severing
of ties of kinship.
And it was said that it is those who are connected by inheritance
which is indicated by the words of the Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam), “then the next closest
and the next closest.” [Narrated by Muslim]
And it was said that it refers to those who are related to one another
regardless of whether they are connected by inheritance or not.
Moreover, upholding of ties of kinship, as Al-Qādi ‘Iyād (rahimahullah)
said, is of varying degrees, some of which are higher than others. At the very
least, it is not forsaking one another, and upholding ties by speaking, even if
it only saying salām. That varies according to possibility and need. It may be
obligatory or mustahabb. If a person upholds ties to some extent, even if it is
not to the fullest extent, he cannot be called a breaker of ties of kinship,
and if he fails to do what he is able to do and should do, then he cannot be
called an upholder of ties of kinship.
Al-Qurtubi (rahimahullah) said: “The
degrees of relationship which must be upheld are general and specific. The
general relationship is that which is based on religion, which must be upheld
by means of mutual love, sincerity, fairness and fulfilment of rights both
obligatory and mustahabb. In addition to that, the specific relationship also
involves spending on relatives, checking on them and overlooking their
mistakes.”
This is a summary of what the scholars have said about this issue,
but what has been narrated about the great reward for upholding ties of kinship
and the severe punishment for severing them will be no secret to you. This
means that you should be keen to uphold ties of kinship and beware of severing
them, and be on the safe side with regard to your religious commitment, and
avoid an area concerning which the scholars differed.
So hasten to uphold ties of kinship with the son of your paternal
aunt, and treat him kindly as much as you can, for the reward of that will not
be lost with Allah.
Allah's Messenger, (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) said:"The most virtuous
behavior is to engage those who sever relations, to give to those who withhold
from you, and to forgive those who wrong you"
[At-Tabarāni].
The kindred (arham) are the blood relatives on mother’s and father’s sides. They are
the ones meant in the verses in al-Qur’ān in which Allāh says: “But kindred by blood
are nearer to one another (regarding inheritance) in the decree ordained by
Allah” [Al-Anfal 8:57; Al-Ahzab 33:6]
2. It is Obligatory to Uphold Ties of Kinship.
Upholding the ties of kinship is
obligatory to the extent that one is able to do it, beginning with the closest
and then the next close kinship. There is a great deal of goodness in it and it
serves many interests.
Severing the ties of kinship is a major sin, because Allah
says: “Would you then, if you were given the authority,
do mischief in the land, and sever your ties of kinship? Such are they whom
Allah has cursed, so that He has made them deaf and blinded their sight” [Muhammad, 47:22]
Muslim recorded in his Sahih that when a
man asked the Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam), “O Messenger of Allah, whom should I honour?” He said: “Your
mother.” He said: “Then whom?” He said: “Your mother.” He said: “Then whom?” He
said: “Your mother.” He said: “Then whom?” The fourth time he said: “Your
father, then the next closest and the next closest.” [Muslim].
In al-Sahih it is narrated that the Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi
wasallam) said:
“Whoever would like his provision to be increased and his
lifespan to be extended, let him uphold the ties of kinship.”
There are many ahadith on this issue. What you have to do is to
uphold the ties of kinship to the extent that you are able to, by visiting them
if possible, or by writing or phoning. It is also prescribed for you to uphold
kinship ties financially too, if the relative is poor.
Allah says: “So keep your duty to
Allah and fear Him as much as you can” [Al-Taghabun, 64:16];
"Allah burdens not a person beyond his scope” [Al-Baqarah, 2:286]
And the Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) said: “When I command you to do
something, do as much of it as you can.”
3.The Curse of Allah upon Those Who Sever Blood Relations
Allah has severely warned those who cut off their blood relations
and family ties. The Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) also condemned
such people.
Allah the Almighty Says: "Would you then, if
you were given the authority, do mischief in the land and sever your ties of
kinship? Such are they whom Allah has cursed, so that He has made them deaf and
blinded their sight." [Surah Muhammad, 47:22-23]
All Muslims should read
these two verses over and over again, and let them sink in, because the verse
right after that says: "Do they not then
think deeply in the Quran? Or are their hearts locked up?" [Surah Muhammad, 47:24]; we seek refuge in Allah, the Lord of the
worlds, from the sealing of our hearts and the subjugation of our weak selves.
Even the company of those who mistreat their families and are cut
off from them is accursed.
'Abdullah Ibn Abu 'Awf (radiyallāhu`anhu) narrated that, "One time we were sitting with the
Messenger (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) who said: `No one who cuts
off his ties should sit with us.' So a young man stood up from the
crowd and went to visit his aunt, with whom he had some frictions, she then
asked forgiveness for him, and he did the same for her, soon afterwards, he
came back to our gathering circle, upon which the Messenger (Sallallāhu
`alayhi wasallam) said: "The Mercy will not descend on people among
whom there is a person who severs kin ties."
Severing one's blood ties is far from a trivial choice; it is an
evil that may hinder you from entering Paradise.
The Messenger of Allah (Sallallāhu `alayhi
wasallam) said: "No one who severs
his family ties will enter Paradise." [At-Tirmidzi]
Part of the danger
resulting from cutting off one's relations can be sensed from the following
hadith.
Abu
Hurairah (radiyallāhu`anhu) related that a man came to the
Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) and said: "O Messenger of Allah, my relatives are such that I
cooperate with them, but they cut me off; I am kind to them but they ill-treat
me; I forbear but they are rude to me." The
Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) replied:"If
you are as you say, you are then feeding them with hot ashes; and so long as
you remain the way you are, Allah will always help you and he will protect you
against their mischief." [Muslim]
Imam An-Nawawi (rahimahullah) said: "The hot ashes are a
metaphor for the amount of pain and agony experienced by the one who eats
them." The hadith pertains
also to the people who behave differently. They will maintain good times as
long as their kindred do the same, but otherwise they sever them. Real
cherishing of the blood relation is not observed in anticipation of
reciprocation on the part of one's kin; but the ties should be maintained for
Allah’s sake only, even if this is done from one side only neglecting the
behaviour of the other side in return.
‘Abdullah Ibn 'Amr
(radiyallāhu`anhu) narrated that the Prophet (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam)
said:"A person who reciprocates in doing good is not the one who
joins his blood relations generously; but he is one who joins with his blood
relations when they sever the kinship ties." [Al-Bukhari]
This wonderful hadith puts all things in perspective for those who
are so skilled at pointing fingers, trying to justify the haughtiness of their
own selves by always blaming other people, thus justifying their cutting of
ties. The Messenger (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) penly states that
regardless of their behaviour you should visit them; regardless of their
detachment, you should maintain your ties; regardless of their offensiveness,
reward them with forbearance, and most importantly, never cease to include in
your supplications that Allah grant them a change of heart; for all the hearts
are between His fingers, He flips them as He wills.
The Allah’s Messenger (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) set
for all humanity the greatest example of forgiveness and mercy after he
conquered Makkah. The Makkans had tortured, killed, and humiliated Muslims for
so long, and killed some of the dearest relatives of the blessed Prophet (Sallallāhu
`alayhi wasallam) himself. But the Allah’s Messenger (Sallallāhu
`alayhi wasallam) answered them by saying "I
would say to you what Yusuf said to his brothers: No reproach on you this day;
May Allah forgives you; He is the most Merciful of those who show mercy. Go
free; you are all pardoned!" This incident never fails
to bring tears to a Muslim's eye. In fact, any human being would be moved by
such nobility and mercy to tears. No wonder
‘Aishah (radiyallāhu`anha) when asked about the character of the
Messenger (Sallallāhu `alayhi wasallam) said that his character was
the Quran. Better yet Allah bears witness that his Messenger stands on the
highest plane of character.
Allah Says: "And verily, you have an exalted standard of
character." [Surah Al-Qalam,
68:4]
May Allah Guide us on the Right Path.
[Via
Islam Q&A]
Please See Also:
1.The Meaning of Silatul Rahim; 2.Guidelines on Ties of the Kinship;
3.The Obligation of Upholding the Ties of Kinship; 4.The Rights of the Kin in Islam ;
4.The Rights and Duties of Women in Islam; 5. All Occurs By The Will And Decree Of Allāh;
6.Allah Obligates Kindness to Parents;
7.Acknowledging the Parents; 8.The Kindred of Kinship;
9.Not Permissible To Forsake A Muslim;
10.Ruling On Disputes and the Virtue of Reconciling ;
11.Dealing With Relatives Who Backbite; 12.Dealing with Hurtful Relatives;
13.Giving Zakah to Deserving Relatives;
1.The Meaning of Silatul Rahim; 2.Guidelines on Ties of the Kinship;
3.The Obligation of Upholding the Ties of Kinship; 4.The Rights of the Kin in Islam ;
4.The Rights and Duties of Women in Islam; 5. All Occurs By The Will And Decree Of Allāh;
6.Allah Obligates Kindness to Parents;
7.Acknowledging the Parents; 8.The Kindred of Kinship;
9.Not Permissible To Forsake A Muslim;
10.Ruling On Disputes and the Virtue of Reconciling ;
11.Dealing With Relatives Who Backbite; 12.Dealing with Hurtful Relatives;
13.Giving Zakah to Deserving Relatives;
15.Husband’s Duties towards His Wife’s Family; 16.The Rights of the Husband
and the Wife;
17. Upholding the Ties of Kinship for Females; 18.A Woman’s Mahram ;
19.The Seven under the Shade of Allāh.
17. Upholding the Ties of Kinship for Females; 18.A Woman’s Mahram ;
19.The Seven under the Shade of Allāh.
