There are a few effective criteria, which are pertinent in making efforts of winning the hearts of the others. The criteria would stress on warmness and merciful that shall be the ingredients of virtuous merits, that captivate others hearts and help in overcoming the obstacle and building good relationship with the others.
Such merits would have their own effective tools and power in charming the hearts.
Moreover, always pray to Allah SWT for His Blessing and Hikmah.
1. Smile and Be Warm.
It is a most basic but highly effective step, like salt for food. It is also regarded as a kind of worship and alms giving as are mentioned in a hadith that “Smiling at your fellow brothers is as charity (Sadaqah)”.
Abdullah Ibn Al-Harith tells us about the Prophet SAW saying that he has never seen anyone smile at others as the Prophet Muhammad SAW used to do.
2. Always Initiates the Greetings.
This particular tool is the one that lets you to be in the innermost depths of the others hearts. The arrow needs a skillful shooter. The needed skills are the hearty smile, the warm shaking of hands and the friendly welcoming to the other. Being successfully achieved, such kinds of skills are going to be rewarded, referring to the Hadith:
“In greetings, the better is the one who initiates greeting the others.”
Umar al-Nadi tells us that he went out once with Umar Ibn Al-Khattab’s son. While walking, he found him saluting all whom he met, whether being old or young. Al Hasan Al-Basri also said, “Shaking hands strengthens brotherhood feelings.”
The Prophet Muhammad SAW said, “Do not ever waste your good deeds, even by meeting your brother with a frowning face.”
The Prophet also said: “Shaking hands removes hatred and exchanging presents enhances love and ends enmity.”
3. Offer Gift and Presents.
It has a strange charming affection that captivates all senses. Hence, exchanging presents and gifts in different occasions is a pleasant habit however, gifts should be within one’s tolerable expenses. Ibrahim Al-Zahri tells us about his father saying, “My father got a sum of money as a reward, in due, he asked me to send donations to his family members and friends. As we were about to finish, he asked me “Have we missed any one?” I answered “No!” He said, “I think that we did.” He continued, “We have missed someone who had warmly welcomed me. Would you please send him this sum of money?”
Look how Ibrahim loved the man and wished to reward him for his warm welcome.
4. Be Silent But Speak up When Necessary.
The loud voice and chattering are bad merits. You have to be sweet-worded, tender in expressing yourself. Concerning this merit, The Prophet SAW said “The good word is a charity (is a Sadaqah).” If the good word has its own magic in winning the hearts of your enemies, it then should be appropriately used in order to win their hearts!
The Prophet’s wife, once addresses the enemies with the saying, “Damn you” and the Prophet SAW prevented her and said:
“Calm down. Allah likes for the matters to be dealt with gently.” He also said; “Nobility of manners and affectionately are the best of manners that people are ever characterized by.”
A poet says, the pious Allah-fearing may keep silent, in spite of being eloquent.
5. Be a Good Listener.
Listening is an art. It is to listen patiently and never interrupt the speaker, as the Prophet SAW never interrupted a speaker until he ended his speech. In addition, he who fights for this merit gains others love and admiration, whilst on the contrary is the one who chatters and interrupts the other. Atta’ tells us about how he behaves concerning this merit and says, “When someone speaks to me, I listen to him as if it is the first time I have heard this subject, though I have heard it thousands of times before.”
6. Appearance and Dress Well.
You have to be careful with your appearance to be neat, well, –dressed and sweet smelling as well. The Prophet SAW says that Allah loves beauty to be in every thing. Umar Ibn Al Khattab said also, “I like the young man who is sweetly perfumed and cleanly dressed.” Abdullah Ibn Ahmad Ibn Hanbal tells us about his father saying, “I’ve never seen some one who is as caring to the cleanliness of his dress, his hair, his moustache, and other undesirable body hair as Ahmad Ibn Hanbal used to do”
7. Be Gentle and Compassionate Towards the Others
In relation to this, the poet says, Good treatment of the other is the only way of captivating his heart.
Good treatment is classified as an obedient, beloved slave of Allah as the Prophet SAW Muhammad said:
“The more you are in favor of others, the more you are beloved by Allah”
And as Allah Says: “And spend of your substance in the cause of Allah, and make not your own hands contribute to (your) destruction; but do good; for Allah loveth those who do good” (Al-Baqarah, 2:195)
Prophet Muhammad SAW said, “God will not have mercy on one who is not compassionate towards people.” (Sahih Al-Bukhari)
He also said, “The Merciful shows mercy to those merciful. Have mercy to those on earth, and the One above the heavens will have mercy upon you.” (At-Tirmidzi)
A poet says, Be a dear friend to all, whom you know, for all, you should be as freshening as iced pure water.
I really wonder for that man who pays money to buy slaves, while he can buy those who are free by being good to them, for those (who treat other well) find many to be in their help.
8. Be Kind and Generous.
Offering money is the key for most of the closed doors that hinder you from reaching others hearts, especially in these days.
Now I will tell you a story about the magic of the merit of generosity.
In the conquest of Makkah, there was a man called “Safwan Ibn Umia.” That man ran away after making all possible means in keeping the people of Islam and after making conspiracies to kill the Prophet SAW. Later on, the Prophet SAW forgave him and he came back asking the Prophet SAW to give him the time of two months to think about Islam and the Prophet SAW said, “You can take four months, not just two.” In spite of being an atheist, he accompanied the Prophet SAW in the Hunain and Al Ta’if conquests. In Al Ta’if, while the Prophet SAW was dividing the booties of the war, he noticed that man looking longingly to a vast land in which a large number of cattle were flocking. The Prophet SAW asked him “Do you like it?” The man eagerly answered “Yes.” The Prophet SAW said, “It is for you then.” Safwan said, “Only a prophet could act as generously as you have done to me. I believe that there is no God but Allah and that Muhammad is His prophet.”
The Prophet SAW found the missing key and succeeded in moving Safwan heart. Some people acted stingily as if they see the hungry ghost wanted to attack them once they think about being generous in offering money.
9. Have A Good Opinion Of Others - Forgive and Respect Them.
Keeping an eye on others behavior is a bad merit that blocks your way to their hearts. On the contrary is to have a good opinion of them. So, try hard to give your brothers the excuse as much as you can. Concerning this merit, Ibn Al Mubarak says also “The believer is he who grants his brothers the request, and the hypocrite is he who seeks their slips.”
10. Express Your Feelings Sincerely.
If you loved someone, or felt good feelings about him, do not wait, just tell him at once. Regarding this, the Prophet SAW said, “If you felt the brotherly love of Islam towards any, you should immediately go and tell him about your feelings.” He added, “It is the way relations are to be strongly indicated.” Such love is to be blessed by Allah if it is for Allah’s sake, not for any other personal affairs such as seeking high position, money, fame etc…. Unless this love is for Allah’s sake, it is a fruitless kind of brotherhood then. When they meet each other on the Day of Judgement, they are not brothers any more but enemies, as Allah SWT Says in the Quran “Friends on that Day will be foes, one to another; except the Righteous.” (Az-Zukhruf: 67)
The Prophet SAW said, “A man is in the company of whom he loved.” By this, he means that on the Day of Judgment, a person will be with whom he loved. Therefore, we have to choose then between two kinds of societies, one is in enmity and the other is a kind brotherly one. Hence, we find that the Prophet SAW associated the Makkan immigrants and the Madinan followers as brothers. It was a rare kind of sense of the brotherhood that even two brothers were to be buried together in one grave after being martyred in the conquests. The Prophet SAW was always indicating the sense brotherhood among the Ummah as he said, “You are not allowed to enter heaven till you believe in Allah and you will not be true believers unless you love each other. Shall I tell you something to do that indicates love between you? It is to spread salutation of Peace among you.”
It is a pity is to either see that people sometimes cruelly or harshly treating each other and at times extremely very tender that they adore each other. In fact, it is a necessary to provide a striking balance between heart and mind, something that differs according to the difference of characters and circumstances. It is absolutely a blessing given by Allah.
11. Sociability and Courteous.
It is the art of being social. Here, a kind of misconception could exist between sociability and hypocrisy. Could you differentiate between the two meanings?
The Prophet SAW’s wife, Aishah r.a said, “A man came to visit us, but to my surprise, once the Prophet SAW met him, he said “O…that ill-mannered man,” but the Prophet SAW changed completely once he sat with him. He welcomed the man warmly, smiling in his face. When the man left, I asked the Prophet SAW about what had surprised me, how he considered this man as being bad, and how he talked to him in such warmth? The Prophet SAW answered, “Have you ever seen me behaving as a hypocrite?” He added, “In the Day of Judgement, the worst degrees are for those who [caused] people deserted for being mistreated by them.”
Al-Qurtubi differentiates between hypocrisy and sociability, regarding sociability as a desirable legal behavior, saying that sociability means sacrificing the worldly affairs for the sake of improving either life on earth or religion, or so as to improve both, while hypocrisy aims at sacrificing religion for the sake of the worldly affairs.
Hence, being sociable for ill-mannered people is aiming to achieve two purposes:
1 - To avoid being mistreated by them.
2 - Being good to them could be guidance for them to step the right way. Compliments should be within worldly affairs only, never in religious affairs, otherwise, it would be a matter of hypocrisy.
To be sociable, means to be tender, smiling, praising to the other, intending in the meantime a legal benefit [Halal]. The Prophet SAW says, “Being sociable, is as alms-giving [Sadaqah]”
Ibn Battal says also “Sociability is an ethic of the believers; it is to show open-mindedness in treating others and to delicately speak to them. Both are important elements in seeking reasons for intimacy”