Good Treatment of Parents.
In the name of Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful;
All the praise and Thanks are due to Allāh, the Lord of the al-ā’lamīn. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allāh, and that Muhammad, sallallāhu alayhi wa sallam, is His Messenger.
This is an excellent commentary by Abu Rumaysah the way of treating parents.
Honouring one’s parents entails obedience to Allāh and His Messenger (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam), gratitude, love and Jannah.
Allāh Subhānahu wata’ala says: Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him; And that you be dutiful (show kindness) to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, do not say them a word of disrespect out of irritation, nor raise your voice [say ‘Uff’] at them but address them with gentleness and generosity in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: "My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young". [Surah Isrā’, 17: 23 -24]
Ibn ‘Abbās (radiallāhu`anhu) said: “The Messenger of Allāh (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam) was asked which deed is the best? He said, ‘Faith in Allāh and His Messenger, then honouring one’s parents…’” [Al-Bukhari, Muslim]
Disobedience to parents is to oppose them in their desires and objectives that are permissible, likewise to be good to them is to obey them in their permissible goals and objectives. Therefore, if one of them, or both of them, order to do something, it is obligatory upon him to obey them so long as it would not incur disobedience of Allāh.
In fact, good treatment should also, shown to non-Muslim parents as well provided a pact remains with them. Allāh says, "Allāh does not forbid you from being good to those who have not fought you in the religion or driven you from their homes, or from being just towards them."
Qurtubi said: The state of old age has been specifically mentioned because it is the state in which they require the child's good treatment most because they have been overcome with weakness and frailty. As such, the child is required to tend to their needs and take care of them more than at any other time, and they become a burden upon him. However, he is required to look after them in their old age just as they looked after him when he was a child. This state is mentioned because by nature he easily becomes annoyed and irritated; as such, in the face of this, the child could become angry and show this. The least sign of anger he can show is the sharp breath of irritation. So the son has been specifically ordered in this situation to counter these emotions by speaking to them with gentleness and generosity.
Muhammad Mukhtar ash-Shanqiti (rahimahullāh) said: Some of the scholars said in commentary to these two verses that from the recompense of disobedience and bad treatment of parents is that Allāh will make that person insolent, disobedient, and arrogant. This is because the recompense is of the same type as the action, and one of the greatest forms of insolence and arrogance is to be rude to ones parents after they spent year after year bringing up that child.
Allāh says, "We have instructed man concerning his parents. Bearing him caused his mother great weakness and in years, twain was his weaning: 'Give thanks to Me and to your parents. I am your final destination. However, if they try to make you associate something with Me about whom you have no knowledge, do not obey them. Keep company with them correctly and courteously in this world but follow the way of him who turns to Me...'"
[Surah Luqman, 31:14 -15]
There are a number of hadith stressing the importance of good treatment to parents:
1. Ibn Mas`ud (radiallāhu`anhu) reported that he asked Prophet Mohammad (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam), 'Which deeds are best?' He (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam) replied: "Prayer at its times." He asked, 'Then which?' He replied, "Good treatment to parents." He asked, 'Then which?' He replied, "Jihad in the Way of Allāh." [Muslim]
This hadith is clear in showing the status of good treatment to parents. There are a number of hadith in which the Prophet (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam) was asked similar questions, but gave different answers such as: "Faith in Allāh…Jihad…Hajj"; "Faith in Allāh and Jihad" ; "Faith in Allāh…Good treatment to parents…Jihad” ; "Feeding [the poor]… giving the salām to those who you know and don’t know"; "The one from whose hand the other Muslims are safe" ; "The best of you are those who learn the Qur`ān and teach it" and so on.
Imām Qurtubi said: There is no contradiction between these hadith because The Prophet (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam) gave different answers to different people taking into account their circumstances; he would answer each person questions in accordance to what was best for him. It was reported that a man sought permission from the Prophet (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam) to fight Jihad and he asked him, "Are your parents alive?" When he replied in the affirmative he (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam) said, "Then your Jihad lies with them" [Bukhāri and Muslim]
2. Abu Bakar As-Siddiq (radiallāhu`anhu) narrated that the Messenger of Allāh (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam) said: "Shall I not inform you of the major sins? [He said these three times]; to associate partners with Allāh, to disobey one's parents, and to give false testimony."
He (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam) was reclining and sat up straight and kept repeating this over and over again until we thought: if only he would be quiet. [Muslim]
Imām An-Nawawi (rahimahullāh) said: The Prophet (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam) sat up straight in order to stress the importance of what he was saying. As for their hoping that he would be quiet, the reason for this was their desire that the Prophet (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam) go easy on himself and their dislike of seeing something that would disturb him and anger him.
3. Ibn `Umar (radiallāhu`anhu) narrated that the Messenger of Allāh (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam) said, "Allāh is pleased when the parents are pleased and Allāh is angry when the parents are angry." [At-Tarmidzi]
Ibn `Abbas (radiallāhu`anhu) related, the Prophet (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam) said, 'Any Muslim whose father and mother are Muslims and he awakes every morning with the intention of doing good to them, Allâh will open two doors for him – i.e. of Paradise. If only one parent is alive, only one door will be opened. If he angers one of them, Allāh will not be pleased with that person until his parent is pleased with him, even if they are unjust to him.' [Al-Bukhāri (Adab al-Mufrad)]
4. `Abdullāh bin `Amr (radiallāhu`anhu) narrated that the Prophet (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam) said, "One of the major sins is cursing parents." When asked how someone could curse his parents, he (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam) replied, "By one cursing another's father, who in turn, curses his father; then he curses his mother and the other returns this by cursing his mother." [Muslim]
5. Abu Hurairah (radiallāhu`anhu) reported the Prophet Muhammad (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam) was asked as to who was most deserving of his good companionship. He (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam) replied, "Your mother." He was asked, 'Then who?' and he replied, "Your mother." He was asked, 'Then who?' and he replied, "Your mother." He (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam) was asked a fourth time, 'Then who?' he (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam) replied, "Your father." [Muslim]
6. Ibn Shu`ib (radiallāhu`anhu) narrated ; from his father; from his grandfather that a man came to Prophet Muhammad (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam) and said, 'Messenger of Allāh, I have wealth and children and my father takes and gives from it.' He (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam) said: "You and your property belong to your father. Your children are from the best of your earnings so eat from the earnings of your children." [Abu Dawūd]
Ones father is the means by which one came into existence, and ones being in existence is the cause that leads one to acquiring wealth. Hence, the father has a greater right to the wealth of the son than he does himself: if he is in need of it, he has the right to take from it whatever he needs. The meaning of the hadith is not that the son's wealth becomes very permissible for the father such that he can take from it as and when he wills, without having any need for it. [Al-Munawi, Fayd al-Qadir]
7. Mu`awiyah bin Jahima (radiallāhu`anhu) related that the Messenger of Allāh (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam) said, "Serve your mother for Paradise lies under her feet." [An-Nasā’i] The version of at-Tabarāni has, "Serve your parents for Paradise lies under their feet." Meaning that your portion of Paradise can only be attained through the pleasure of your mother, so much so that it would seem that that portion belongs to her and it is as if she is standing on it such that the only way you can acquire it is through her. [As-Sindî, Sunan an-Nasā’i]
8. Obeying and honoring one’s parents is a means of entering Paradise. Abu Hurayrah (radiallāhu`anhu) reported that the Prophet (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam) said: “He is doomed, he is doomed, he is doomed.” It was said, “Who, O Messenger of Allāh?” He said, “The person whose parents, one or both of them, reach old age during his lifetime but he does not enter Paradise.” (Sahīh Muslim, 4627).
9. Anas bin Malik (radiallāhu`anhu) narrated that the Messenger of Allāh (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam) said, "Whoever wishes to have his life-span increased, let him be dutiful to his parents and join the ties of kinship." [Ahmad]
10. Abu Hurayrah (radiallāhu`anhu) narrated that the Messenger of Allāh (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam) said: "There is no doubt that three types of supplications will be answered: the supplication of the oppressed; the supplication of the traveller; and the supplication of the parents for their child." [Abu Dawud]
11. Abu Usayd (radiallāhu`anhu) narrated that a man asked the Prophet (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam), 'Messenger of Allāh, can I do any good for my parents after they have died?' He (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam) replied, "Yes, four things: supplication for them; fulfilling their obligations; honoring their friends; and maintaining the family ties that would not exist but for them." [Abu Dawud]
11. ‘Umar (radiallāhu`anhu) reported, the Prophet (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam) said: "The best of good deeds is for one to do good to those who were loved by his father."' [Muslim]
12. Ibn Hibban recorded on the authority of Malik bin al-Huwayrith (radiallāhu`anhu) that the Messenger of Allāh (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam) ascended the minbar and said Amin each time he ascended a step, in total three times. Then he (Sallallāhu 'alaihi wa sallam) said:
"Jibril [‘alaihissalam] came to me and said, 'Muhammad, whoever lives to see the month of Ramadhān without being forgiven, may Allāh distance him!' I said, 'Amin.' Then he said, 'Muhammad, Whoever lives to see his parents, or one of them, and does not treat them well, and as such enters the Fire, may Allāh distance him!' I said, 'Amin'. Then he said, 'Muhammad, in whoever is presence you are mentioned and he does not invoke peace and blessings upon you [i.e salawāt], may Allāh distance him! Say: Amin.' I said, 'Amin'."